乱世间的情爱 — 浅评唐宋传奇小说集 卷二 | Love in Turbulent Times: A Critique of the “Anthology of Tang and Song Tales” – Volume Two

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The English translation is assisted by chatGPT. Please scroll down to the very end of this article to view the English version. 

上一卷请点击这个链接

这一卷选出来的故事中有很多爱情题材。中唐时期经历了安禄山叛乱,唐朝的经济和社会状况不复盛况,处于下坡路上。传奇的着眼点从拥有一些稀罕宝物或者用情专一的美女,转移到了关注时代中的每个普通人身上。这些故事中也多少带有一些人力、神力都无法平息的遗憾。

中文版

凡间大神解力扣——评<编次郑钦悦辨大同古铭论>

这篇传奇情节十分简单,全篇讲述了一道题目描述模糊不清的高难度力扣题是如何被几代人孜孜不倦地解决的。如果是易经爱好者,或许会大呼过瘾。

故事开始于一片的倒塌墓穴。有个人恰好在废墟中找到了一块完整的碑,碑上有着神秘的铭文。此人把碑文内容记下来,并让子孙后代不断寻找碑文中的含义。最终经历了三代,被这个人的孙子找到了一位破解难题的关键人物。

孙子的官场同僚恰好是一位隐藏在世的易数大神。大神在得到问题的当天,就迫不及待地在马背上把这道力扣hard给撕了。回信说,碑文意思就是在xx年,xxx月,xxxx日后,这个墓穴会倒塌。这个日期恰好和祖先找到这块铭文的日期对应。

作者李吉甫于是感叹:啊,一切都是注定好的呀,几百年前造这块碑文的这个人就是个大神,他能精准地算出几百年后的某天,这个墓就被大雨给冲塌了。大雨是多么随机的一件事情,这都被算到了,人的命运就更不用说了。他又问道:既然命运都是注定的,那为什么过去的先圣:如孔子墨子等,知道了自己的命运走向,都还那么努力地奔波生活呢?这倒是个好问题。

我想,来世间一遭需要各种机缘巧合,终究不是件容易的事情。就算知道生命的结果导向何方,那沉浸式地体验一下过程仍然值得。也有可能命运就是会给人一种只要你十分努力,就可以不被其牵绊的错觉。

另外这篇给我印象最深的就是这些古时候的文人,算起十二生肖、六十甲子来速度真是超快,可以直接脑算,仿佛美国人换算米和英尺一样。当然美国人算英尺这种无用的技能我感觉实在没什么必要,希望有生之年能看到这个计量单位被取消。

乱世情侣,仿若柳絮般被折——评<柳氏传>

一开始读来我盲猜是破镜重圆的原故事?结果猜错。直到看到这句诗,我才意识到我可能听说过这个故事:

章台柳,章台柳,昔日青青今在否?纵使长条似旧垂,亦应攀折他人手。

杨柳枝,芳菲节,所恨年年赠离别。一叶随风忽报秋,纵使君来岂堪折!

如果说上一卷的传奇里,但凡才子中了科举便可以从此飞黄腾达,美人坐怀,那么在这篇传奇里,这条定律并不存在:

故事发生于天宝末年,安禄山作乱期间,社会动荡。惊天美女柳氏被大金主李生所包养。她不畏惧贫寒,愿意为了主人公韩翊的才华而离开大金主家,下嫁给他,为他既当老婆又当妈,操持一切生活起居。韩翊特别争气,第二年就在科举中被选拔为上等。然而社会经济糟糕,韩翊在京城似乎没有谋求到什么职位,所以在家闲住了一年。最后只能离开家、离开妻子柳氏,到处靠运气谋求一个小小官职。在丈夫离家期间,没有经济来源的柳氏还需要变卖些嫁妆养活自己。安禄山入京作乱以后,韩翊和柳氏彻底失去了联系。“一个人的命运啊,当然要靠自我奋斗,但是也要考虑到历史的进程。”这对的经历真是令人唏嘘。

韩翊也算是特别窝囊了,后来终于回到京城当个小官,结果此时柳氏已经被皇帝跟前的红人沙吒利将领抢走。论财、论权,韩翊都沙吒利对无计可施,因此两人只能诀别了。想到这辈子和美女再无缘分,韩翊一个人在宴会上哭唧唧。终于席上有个同僚许俊看不下去了,帮他把老婆抢了回来。抢人这段写得挺精彩的:许俊有勇有谋,避免了一场恶战。但最后许俊和韩翊这两个人,明明没做错什么事,却还要小心翼翼地求二人的小老板——侯希逸,同大老板——皇帝求情。

皇帝还算明理,虽然把柳氏判回给了韩翊,但也自掏腰包赔了抢人的沙扎里二百万钱。我看到这里还觉得挺叹息的,说到底会读书的科举才子,生不逢时的话也只能唯唯诺诺地度日罢了,连自己的妻子都保护不了。而柳氏就更身不由己了。她能正视自己的感情,并且她还十分机智,懂得通过给自己剪头发来隐藏美貌等等手段,从而保护自己,但这样心智双全的她最终仍然无法决定自己被谁所拥有,她永远是有权力的男性的附属品和所有物。美貌让她赢得了自己中意的对象韩翊的心,但也引来了一大堆的祸事。

这篇传奇和之前的狐妖、古镜等唐朝的传奇的氛围差异很大。虽然这个故事是虚构的,但社会背景是真实的,人物也都仿佛是当时存在的,他们的经历也十分合理。这篇传奇所描述的当时社会中人物们的凄苦命运,简直是现在的纪实文学的蓝本了。

普通书生凭魅力位列仙班——评<柳毅传>

这篇传奇真精彩!有好几处情节转折我竟然都猜错了。

文中出现了一个新的种族:龙族。龙族属于神仙类别,寿命有一万年,住的地方珍宝遍地,职责也由天上的皇帝直接管辖。然而作者对龙族的态度蛮奇怪的,最后他做点评时,用了五虫的概念,其中人是五虫之长,龙排在后面,认为也是他们学了人类才学会了守信义。说明在古代,龙这个种族的地位低于人类咯?就和《迷宫饭》的世界观一样:毕竟是魔物?

但是所有的龙都位列神仙级别,而人只是凡人罢了。感觉这篇传奇的架构里面,除了五虫这种排列之外,还有着神界和人间的排列。其中不只有人类可以当神,五虫的任意动物类都可以变成神嘛。也就是说,神界不止会雇佣人族,还会雇佣各种动物——根据他们的天性来安排职责,是率先实现全面diversity hire的高级社会。

龙不是整天闲着没事干可以享受的,龙王属于公职,需要负责该地区的水文气象,比如降雨、大水,灌溉一类,以此保证该地区的生灵可以生存。从组织架构上来说,龙王这个director级别下面就是level 0 – individual contributor了,中间可以有manager也可以没有。而龙王的家眷可以每天开趴体享受,只靠龙王一条也可以养活一族!这里突然觉得龙王仿佛是当代从事码农的幸运打工人。

但是这个故事的主人公之一,洞庭龙王的小女儿还是得被包办婚姻:一条湖南雌龙被远嫁到陕西去给泾江雄龙当儿媳妇了。结果小女儿被婆家虐待,不能天天幸福趴体,竟然被安排在泾王宫做level 0 – 负责每天露天喂养羊群(负责下雨的雨工)。主人公柳毅,上京赶考失败的一届普通人,回乡路上正巧碰到了独自在放羊且哭唧唧的洞庭千金,于是开启了人与龙族的一段缘分。

故事中,龙的形象里面主要有洞庭龙王和钱塘龙王。洞庭龙王就像洞庭湖一样,大而平静。钱塘龙王,顾名思义就像钱塘江一样,汹涌澎湃,毕竟钱塘江观潮每年都会杀死许多人。钱塘龙王的形象写得特别的栩栩如生:“俄有赤龙长千余尺,电目血舌,朱鳞火鬣,项掣金锁,锁牵玉柱。千雷万霆,激绕其身,霰雪雨雹,一时皆下。乃擘青天而飞去。毅恐蹶仆地。” 钱塘龙王之前就因为和天将打架,淹没了五座大山而被关在洞庭湖反省。听说了侄女被欺负的消息以后更是怒不可遏,当即就雷霆绕身、撒雪撒冰,气势汹汹地飞行十万八千里去接回侄女。可见钱塘龙王十分性情中龙呢。

他把侄女接回来之后和洞庭龙王之间的对话更有意思了,“君曰:“所杀几何?”曰:“六十万。”“伤稼乎?”曰:“八百里。”神仙随便打一架,就伤到了几十万的无辜生灵,并让几百万庄稼颗粒无收。两条龙面对事件不同的反应,将一个富有同理心的洞庭君,和一个鲁莽但有点正义气息的钱塘君描绘得性格鲜明。另外,作者没有只聚焦在强者身上,能略微提到普通人的视角也是挺难得的,同情了故事中无辜的芸芸众生。

这个故事还有一个我没猜到的地方:柳毅和龙王的女儿其实也看对眼了,但二者一开始并没有在一起。柳毅有点不想给人落下这个间接整死人家夫君、夺人家妻子的口舌。但是说媒的钱塘君太糙,不会沟通,导致柳毅感觉被冒犯,顺带借坡下驴而拒绝了婚事。孔孟道德观真是压抑人。

后来兜兜转转好久,最终是靠龙王女儿化身为人的身份,龙女坚持不懈地努力绕开孔孟之道的规则,才在一起。因为俩人并没有明确互相表白过,龙王女儿甚至最后为他生了一个孩子才敢将自己的身份和盘托出。意思如果柳毅看不上她的话,看在孩子份上还不至于分了。真是卑微极了……封建时期的爱情和婚姻,真是分得清清楚楚。婚姻只是男的寂寞了想娶个女人在家操持,或者是用来扩大自己家族的经济和政治力量。结婚不代表有爱情。而唐传奇中,男女之间的爱情很多时候都存在于二者的婚姻之外。

这么说来,中唐时期的感情观还蛮……前卫的?大家默认都是多边关系,不是有了爱就会结婚,也不是结婚了就代表着相爱。中唐时期似乎男性都是先有婚姻,保证小家庭的生存和基本生理需求,再寻找感情来保证男女(主要是男)形而上的需求。

最后还有一点后续,柳毅得到了龙女分享的万年寿命去洞庭当神仙享福了(洞庭君家多添一双筷子而已啦),碰到老到快死的去地方做公务员的弟弟,还跟他说:无久居人世以自苦也。可见中唐时期社会经济堕落了,就算后来有钱如柳毅、有铁饭碗如柳毅的弟弟,在人间生活也没那么好了,不如避世成仙。

但是要知道好多人修一辈子的道也不一定成仙呢。但柳毅一个践行孔孟之道的俗人,没有任何道家素养,只是娶了神仙就自动变成神仙了,还能带弟弟长生,感觉和各国通过婚姻移民最快捷的逻辑一样。

人与仙,欲和情——评<李章武传>

这篇文章开头就提到了李章武长得还不错,这点还挺少见的。一般来说,这些传奇开头提到男性是书生,是去哪里做官的就已经可以默认为会受到女性青睐了。但中唐时期,这些官职看来也都通货膨胀了,就像任何人在LinkedIn上都是lead engineer和lead designer一样……所谓的读书人中的士大夫多了去了,没点别的优点也是不值得获得艳遇的。

这个故事里,男的李章武看重二人像鸳鸯一样肉体交欢,女的王氏看重二人像白玉指环一样感情和谐,两个人在亲密关系中鸡同鸭讲。最关键的是,因为要肉体的人恰好是封建社会的高知识男子,要感情的人恰好是封建社会的普通美女,所以女性很卑微,将姿态放得特别低,甚至觉得在肉体之外,得到了对方一点点的记忆和关注就开心得不得了了。比如李和她最后云雨一夜离开时,作了一首诗怀念这件事情,王氏就十分感动,冒着被阴间责罚的危险也要来人间再告别一次。虽然才华不会通过肢体接触来传播,但有才华的男子可以吸引美女的芳心由来已久?进一步联想,如果李章武彻底忘记王氏了,就变成了唐代时期的《一个陌生女人的来信》了。

而且我总觉得李章武更喜欢王氏送给他的仙界的宝物,而并没有那么喜欢王氏。他费尽心机地找高级玉工来雕刻一块没什么用的宝物,可以天天佩戴。然而他和王氏认识七八年了,最后人都相思病死了都没有寄过一封信,也没再去看望过……

这篇文章据说还是一个唐朝传奇中”仙妓合流”的一种写法:即妓女的仙化与仙女的妓化。作者将与李私通(妓)的王氏死后升天写成了仙,将这种王对李的思念突破了时间长河的限制。古时候的文人总是将女性在男女感情中的地位写得十分卑微,而男子即使将女子忘在脑后,也总是享受着女子的崇拜和爱慕的。看来父权制下的后宫文学也是由来已久了……中期唐朝的文化繁荣思想境界变高,但对于平等的想象还是贫瘠的。

好期待看到一篇潇洒女子能把各种美男子拿捏在手里的啊,不知道之后会不会有呢?

回避型人格的噩梦——评<霍小玉传>

这又是一个痴情女子的故事,讲述了文人李益和长安名妓霍小玉间的一段情感纠葛,也是一篇有名到被汤显祖改编成戏曲的传奇。

文人李益长得不怎么样,但是因为文采很好所以自视甚高,在自己于长安等待考试期间千方百计要托人找到绝世美女的陪伴。此时就找到了霍小玉。她以前还是名门之女备受宠爱,但因为母亲身份低微,导致父亲死后被亲人们赶出王府,沦落为妓。恋爱期间,李益为霍小玉写了许多表达自己忠贞的爱情宣言,并且发了很多誓,闹得长安沸沸扬扬人尽皆知。但他考取官职之后,就被母亲许了门当户对的婚姻,默默将霍小玉抛弃了。

李益最可恨的部分或许在于他是爱情中的表达无能——回避型人格。一旦遇到可能要冒犯对方的情况,他就选择使用冷暴力——消失和装死,希望霍小玉学会读心术,远程读懂他想分手的心意,并放过他。这一系列操作活生生把本来心智健康的霍小玉逼成严重焦虑型人格。霍小玉花尽了自己当王府千金的积蓄打探情郎的消息,连米都要吃不上了;后来知道了对方在同一个城市,也无法让李益来见面,可谓是吃尽这种回避型的苦,病得奄奄一息。好在后来出现了一位黄衫客,把负心汉连骗带抢带到了临死的霍小玉面前,让两人相见了。

这位霍小玉可没有之前<李章武传>中的王氏那么卑微,她爱得坦荡,恨得也决绝,当场把李益诅咒一番,气绝而亡。此后这位回避型李益的恋爱或是婚姻都十分不顺利,一辈子活在对亲密关系对象们的猜忌和暴躁之中,永远失去亲密关系里的安全感。总结一下就是只剩欲望,不能再爱人了。

这篇故事或许是回避型人格的噩梦了。在亲密关系里要学会用嘴说话,嘴不只是一个欲望的器官,它还具有说话沟通的功能,实在说不出那发出点声音也可以。不会努力沟通的人就不会获得幸福吧。

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English Version – Love in Turbulent Times: A Critique of the “Anthology of Tang and Song Tales” – Volume Two

For the previous volume, please click on this link.

In this selected volume, many stories revolve around the theme of love. During the middle Tang Dynasty, China endured the An Lushan Rebellion, plunging the Tang Dynasty into economic and social decline. Legendaries shifted focus from possessing rare treasures or virtuous beauties to highlighting the lives of ordinary people during this era. These stories also bear traces of inevitable regrets that no one could soothe.

Solve A LeetCode Hard Problem – A Review of “Zheng Qinyue Deciphers an Ancient Inscription of the Datong Reign Period

This legendary plot is quite simple, describing how a difficult LeetCode problem with vague descriptions was solved by several generations. If you’re a fan of the I Ching, you might find it particularly satisfying.

The story begins with the collapse of a tomb. A person happened to find a intact stone tablet in the ruins, inscribed with mysterious text. This individual recorded the content of the inscription and tasked his descendants with deciphering its meaning. Eventually, after three generations, the key figure to solve the puzzle was found by the grandson of the original person.

The grandson’s colleague in the government happened to be a hidden master of I Ching. On the very day he received the problem, the colleague promptly solved this LeetCode hard question while riding on horseback. His response stated that the inscription meant that on a specific date in the future, the tomb would collapse. This date happened to coincide with the day the ancestor found the tablet.

The author, Li Jifu, then exclaimed, “Ah, everything is predetermined! The person who inscribed this tablet hundreds of years ago was indeed a divine figure, able to accurately predict the day when the tomb would collapse due to heavy rain. Rain is such a random occurrence, yet it was foreseen. If such events are calculated, then surely one’s destiny is also predetermined.” He further questioned, “Since destiny is predetermined, why did past sages like Confucius and Mozi, upon knowing their fate, still strive so hard in life?” That’s an interesting question indeed.

I believe that living is not an easy task. Even if you know the outcome of your life, immersing yourself in the process is still worthwhile. It’s also possible that destiny gives people the illusion that if they work hard enough, they won’t be hindered by it.

Moreover, what struck me most in this piece is the remarkable speed at which these ancient literati could calculate the Chinese zodiac and the sixty stem-branches. They could do it mentally, almost like Americans converting between meters and feet. Of course, I feel that the skill of Americans to calculate feet is rather useless, and I hope to see this unit of measurement abolished in my lifetime.

Love in Turbulent Times: Like Willow Catkins, Bent and Broken – A Review of “The Tale of Miss Liu

At first glance, I thought it might be a story of rekindled romance. I was wrong. It wasn’t until I came across this poem that I realized I might have heard of this story before:

“Zhangtai willow, Zhangtai willow, once green, now faded? Even if the long branches seem to hang as they did in the past, they should still be plucked by someone else’s hand.”

“Willow branches, fragrant blossoms, regretting the partings given year after year. A leaf carried away by the wind heralds the sudden arrival of autumn, even if you return, can you bear the separation?”

If the previous volume of legends suggested that any talented scholar who passed the imperial examination could rise to prominence, with beautiful women falling into their laps, then in this tale, such a law does not exist:

The story unfolds in the late Tianbao era, during the An Lushan Rebellion, a time of social unrest. The stunning beauty Liu Shi is kept by a wealthy man named Li Sheng. Unafraid of poverty, she is willing to leave Li Sheng’s home for the sake of the protagonist Han Yi’s talent, marrying him and managing all aspects of their lives. Han Yi is particularly promising and is selected as a top scholar in the imperial examination the following year. However, due to the poor state of the economy, Han Yi seems unable to secure any position in the capital, so he remains idle at home for a year. Eventually, he has to leave home and his wife Liu Shi to seek a minor official position through luck. During Han Yi’s absence, Liu Shi, without a source of income, has to sell off some of her dowry to support herself. After An Lushan’s rebellion reaches the capital, Han Yi and Liu Shi lose contact completely. “A person’s fate, of course, depends on one’s own efforts, but also must consider the course of history.” Their experience is truly lamentable.

Han Yi is also quite pathetic. Eventually, he returns to the capital and becomes a minor official, but by then, Liu Shi has been snatched away by General Shazha, a favorite of the emperor. In terms of wealth and power, Han Yi is powerless against General Shazha, so the two can only part ways. The scene where Han Yi cries alone at a banquet, realizing that he has lost his chance with the beauty forever, is quite poignant. Finally, a colleague at the banquet, Xu Jun, takes pity on him and helps him win back his wife. The scene where they “snatch” Liu Shi back is quite thrilling: Xu Jun is brave and resourceful, avoiding a violent conflict. But in the end, both Xu Jun and Han Yi, who did nothing wrong, still have to cautiously seek the favor of their boss – the minor official Hou Xiyi, and the big boss – the emperor.

The emperor, though reasonable, decides to return Liu Shi to Han Yi, but also compensates General Shazha with two million dollars for “snatching” her. Seeing this, I couldn’t help but sigh. Even if you’re a scholar who passes the imperial examination, if you’re born at the wrong time, you can only live meekly, unable to protect even your own wife. And Liu Shi is even more helpless. Despite her ability to face her emotions head-on, and her cleverness in disguising her beauty through tactics like cutting her hair, she ultimately cannot decide who owns her, forever being the appendage and possession of powerful men. Her beauty wins her the heart of her beloved Han Yi, but also brings a host of troubles.

This legend is quite different from previous Tang Dynasty legends like “The Fox Demon” and “The Record of The Old Mirror”. Although this story is fictional, the social background is real, and the characters seem as if they existed at the time, with their experiences being quite reasonable. The woeful fate of the characters in this legend mirrors the blueprint of modern realistic literature.

Ordinary Scholar Rises to Heavenly Palace – A Review of “Tale of the Transcendent Marriage of T’ung-ting Lake

This legend is truly captivating! There were several plot twists that caught me off guard.

The story introduces a new race: the Dragon Clan. The dragons belong to the divine category, with a lifespan of ten thousand years, living in places filled with treasures, and their responsibilities are directly governed by the Emperor of Heaven. However, the author’s attitude towards the Dragon Clan is quite peculiar. In his commentary, he uses the concept of “Five Vermin,” with humans being the foremost, and places dragons at the bottom, suggesting that they learned integrity from humans. Does this indicate that in ancient times, the status of the Dragon Clan was lower than that of humans? It’s akin to the worldview in “Delicious in Dungeon”: after all, they are monsters?

However, all dragons are classified as celestial beings, while humans are merely mortals. It seems that within the framework of this legend, apart from the hierarchy of the “Five Vermin,” there is also a hierarchy between the divine realm and the mortal world. Not only humans can become gods, but any animal from the “Five Vermin” can also become a deity. In other words, the divine realm not only hires humans but also various animals. It had achieved equality by diversity hiring.

Dragons are not creatures enjoying leisure all day; Dragon Kings hold public office and are responsible for the hydrology and meteorology of their respective regions, such as rainfall, floods, and irrigation, to ensure the survival of the beings in their area. From an organizational perspective, the Dragon King, as a director-level position, directly managed individual contributors who are level 0. Meanwhile, the Dragon King’s family can indulge in parties every day, and a single Dragon King can support an entire clan! Suddenly, the Dragon King seems like a fortunate laborer in modern tech, single-handedly supporting a family.

However, one of the protagonists in this story, the youngest daughter of the T’ung-ting Dragon King, still ends up in an arranged marriage: a female dragon from Hunan is married off to Shanxi to become the daughter-in-law of the Jingjiang Dragon King. As a result, the young daughter suffers abuse from her in-laws and cannot enjoy daily festivities. Instead, she is assigned to work at the Jing Palace as an individual contributor, responsible for feeding the flocks (responsible for rainfall). The other protagonist, Liu Yi, a failed scholar returning home from the imperial capital, coincidentally encounters the weeping T’ung-ting heiress who is feeding sheep (a creature to work on rains) alone, thus beginning a fateful encounter between humans and dragons.

In the story, the main dragon characters are the T’ung-ting Dragon King and the Qiantang Dragon King. The T’ung-ting Dragon King is depicted much like T’ung-ting Lake—large and tranquil. The Qiantang Dragon King, as the name suggests, resembles the Qiantang River—rushing and surging, given the river’s yearly tidal bore claims many lives. The portrayal of the Qiantang Dragon King is vivid and lifelike: “Suddenly, there appeared a red dragon over a thousand feet long, with lightning eyes and a blood-red tongue, vermilion scales, and fiery mane, with a golden lock around its neck, tied to a jade pillar. Thunder and lightning surrounded its body, and hail and snow fell all at once. Then, it split the blue sky and flew away. Yi feared that he might collapse.” Beforehand, the Qiantang Dragon King fought with a heavenly general, causing the flooding of five large mountains and resulting in his imprisonment for reflection in T’ung-ting Lake. Upon hearing the news of his niece’s being mistreated, he flew tens of thousands of miles in a fit of rage, surrounded by thunder and snow, to retrieve her. This demonstrates the fiery temperament of the Qiantang Dragon King.

The dialogue between the T’ung-ting Dragon King and the Qiantang Dragon King after the niece’s rescue is also interesting. “The king said, ‘How many have you killed?’ ‘Six hundred thousand,’ was the reply. ‘How much farmland have you damaged?’ ‘Eight hundred miles.’ Divine beings fighting casually resulted in the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent beings and the destruction of millions of acres of crops. The differing reactions of the two dragons depict T’ung-ting’s sympathetic character and Qiantang’s reckless but somewhat righteous demeanor vividly. Moreover, the author’s ability to briefly mention the perspective of ordinary people is quite commendable, sympathizing with the innocent lives affected by the events.

Another unexpected aspect of this story is the mutual affection between Liu Yi and the Dragon King’s daughter, although they did not initially come together. Liu Yi was hesitant to indirectly harm the husband and wife, but the matchmaker, the Qiantang Dragon King, was tactless in his approach, leading Liu Yi to feel offended and ultimately refuse the marriage. The Confucian moral is truly oppressive.

After many twists and turns, it was ultimately through the Dragon King’s daughter’s transformation into a human that they managed to be together. Despite the lack of explicit expressions of love between them, the Dragon King’s daughter even gave birth to a child before revealing her true identity. She thought if Liu Yi didn’t fancy her, at least there was the child to consider. The feudal era’s views on love and marriage were crystal clear. Marriage was merely for a man to alleviate loneliness or to expand his family’s economic and political power. Marriage didn’t equate to love. In mid Tang Dynasty legends, love between men and women often existed outside of marriage.

So, it seems like the emotional views of the mid-Tang Dynasty were quite… progressive? It was assumed that everyone engaged in multiple relationships, and having love didn’t necessarily lead to marriage, nor did marriage always indicate love. In the mid-Tang Dynasty, it appears that men sought marriage first to ensure the survival of the nuclear family and fulfill basic physiological needs, and then sought love to fulfill their metaphysical desires.

As for the aftermath, Liu Yi received the Dragon Princess’s gift of a thousand-year lifespan and lived as an immortal in T’ung-ting (it’s just a slight increase in household size for the T’ung-ting Dragon King), encountering his brother, who was getting old and dying while working as a civil servant in another place, and telling him, “It’s not good to stay in the human world for too long and suffer.” This shows that the socio-economic situation declined in the mid-Tang Dynasty. Even if someone like Liu Yi, or his brother with a stable job, had money, life on Earth wasn’t as good as before, so it was better to avoid the world and become an immortal.

However, it’s worth noting that many people spend their whole lives practicing Tao but still don’t become immortals. Yet Liu Yi, an ordinary person who followed the teachings of Confucius and Mencius, had no Taoist background whatsoever. Just by marrying a goddess, he automatically became an immortal and even extended his brother’s lifespan. It feels like the same logic used in various countries for expedited immigration through marriage.

Human and Celestial, Desires and Emotions – A Review of “A Review of “The Tale of Li Zhangwu

In “The Tale of Li Zhangwu,” it’s mentioned right at the beginning that Li Zhangwu is quite good-looking, which is quite rare. Generally, in these legends, if a male character is described as a scholar or going to become an official, it’s already assumed that he will be favored by women. But during the mid-Tang Dynasty, these official positions seemed to have inflated, just like how everyone on LinkedIn is a “lead engineer” or “lead designer”… There were too many literati and officials, and without any other outstanding qualities, they weren’t worth the attention of women.

In this story, Li Zhangwu, the man, valued physical intimacy, while Wang, the woman, valued emotional harmony. The two had completely different priorities in their intimate relationship. What’s crucial here is that the one seeking physical intimacy happens to be an intellectual elite in feudal society, while the one seeking emotional connection happens to be an ordinary beauty in feudal society. Consequently, the female character is very humble, lowering her posture significantly. She even feels extremely happy to receive a bit of attention and memory from the other party beyond physical intimacy. For example, when Li and she parted after a night of passion, he composed a poem to remember the occasion, which deeply moved Wang, prompting her to take the risk of returning to the mortal world once again for a farewell. Although talent doesn’t spread through physical contact, the idea that talented men can attract the hearts of beautiful women has long been ingrained. Further speculation suggests that if Li Zhangwu had completely forgotten about Wang, it would have turned into something like “Letter from an Unknown Woman” in the Tang Dynasty.

Moreover, I always felt that Li Zhangwu liked the treasures from the fairy realm that Wang gave him more than he liked Wang herself. He went to great lengths to find a skilled jade craftsman to carve a rather useless treasure that he could wear every day. However, after knowing Wang for seven or eight years, they both died of lovesickness without exchanging a single letter or meeting again…

This article is said to be a type of “merging of the fairy and the courtesan” in Tang Dynasty legends: the courtesan’s transcendence into a fairy and the fairy’s debasement into a courtesan. The author portrayed Wang, who had an affair with Li (the courtesan), as ascending to heaven after death, transforming into a fairy, and breaking through the constraints of time with her longing for Li. Ancient literati always depicted women’s status in romantic relationships as extremely humble, while men, even if they forget about the women, always enjoyed their worship and admiration. It seems that harem literature under patriarchy has a long history… The cultural prosperity and elevated ideological realm of the mid-Tang Dynasty, but the imagination of equality remained barren.

I’m really looking forward to reading a story where a confident woman can effortlessly manipulate various handsome men. I wonder if we’ll get to see that in the future?

The Nightmare of Avoidant Love Type – A Review of “The Tale of Huo Xiaoyu

This is yet another tale of a lovesick woman, recounting the emotional entanglement between the scholar Li Yi and the famous courtesan Huo Xiaoyu in Chang’an, and it’s also a legendary story that’s so renowned it was adapted into a play by Tang Xianzu.

Li Yi, though not particularly attractive, was highly self-regarding due to his literary talent. During his wait for the imperial examination in Chang’an, he made every effort to find the company of an extraordinary beauty. That’s when he encountered Huo Xiaoyu. She was once a beloved daughter of a noble family, but after her father’s death and due to her mother’s lowly status, she was expelled from the royal palace and reduced to becoming a courtesan. During their courtship, Li Yi wrote many declarations of his unwavering love for Huo Xiaoyu and made numerous vows, causing a sensation in Chang’an. However, after he obtained an official position, he was betrothed to someone from a comparable background, and quietly abandoned Huo Xiaoyu.

Perhaps the most despicable aspect of Li Yi’s behavior lies in his inability to express himself in love—a characteristic of avoidant personality. When faced with situations where he might offend the other party, he chose to use cold violence—disappearing and feigning death, hoping that Huo Xiaoyu would learn to read his mind, understand his desire to break up, and let him go. This series of actions forced Huo Xiaoyu, who was originally mentally healthy, into a severe anxiety disorder. Huo Xiaoyu spent all her savings from her days as a palace daughter to gather information about her lover, to the point where she couldn’t even afford rice; later, knowing that he was in the same city, she still couldn’t arrange for Li Yi to meet her, suffering immensely from the agony of avoidance, until she was on the brink of death. Fortunately, a mysterious yellow-clad guest appeared and brought the faithless Li Yi to the dying Huo Xiaoyu, allowing them to meet one last time.

Unlike Wang, the protagonist in , Huo Xiaoyu wasn’t as submissive. She loved openly and hated decisively, cursing Li Yi on the spot before passing away from rage. After this incident, Li Yi’s romantic endeavors or marriages were all fraught with difficulties, living a lifetime steeped in suspicion and irritability towards intimate partners, forever deprived of the sense of security in intimate relationships. In summary, all that’s left is desire; he could no longer love.

This story is perhaps the nightmare of avoidant personality. In intimate relationships, one must learn to speak up; the mouth is not just an organ of desire but also serves the function of communication. If one does not make an effort to communicate, they won’t find happiness.

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躺在丛林中生存 —— “Rental Person Who Does Nothing”随想 | Lying in the Jungle of Survival – Musings on “Rental Person Who Does Nothing”

Image sourced from Amazon.com

The English translation is assisted by chatGPT. Please scroll down to the very end of this article to view the English version. 

文末有英语版,中文读者可以自行跳过文末。

虽然这本书是一本非虚构小说,但这篇书评会提到书中的内容,有可能会影响第一次阅读的体验。因此有兴趣的话,请在阅读本文前,先行阅读原书。

Book cover from Amazon.com

中文版

这本书是我和对象在图书馆的新书推荐区意外碰到的。当时对象拿起了书架上这仅剩的最后一本“Rental Person Who Does Nothing”,正在翻看时,另一位书友从远处风风火火地走过来,留下一句:“It’s an interesting book. Very funny. Very interesting.” 随即飘然而去。我们第一次经历这种来自美国友人的、突如其来、面对面的安利。出于好奇,对象把这本书带回了家。

本对这本书没什么兴趣的我,作为拥有大把时间和大把焦虑的家庭闲散人员,随意地在家打开了这本书。没想到看了第一段之后就彻底沉浸了下去:这位住在东京、土生土长的日本人,把自己包装成为一个“什么都不做的人”来几乎免费地出租自己的时间和精力,到底会衍生出一些怎样的故事呢?又是哪些人需要租赁这样的人呢?前言和后记中甚至提到,在这本书的创作中,rental person也并不是作者,他只负责回答负责人的提问,本书的实际创作由他人完成,真是一以贯之的“do nothing”了。

此书并没有那么具有文学性——或许因为是外语翻译文本,或许因为rental person想要秉承一种“do nothing”的哲学——通篇的文笔都比较直白。另外最后两章读来也有许多重复,让人有些疲乏。但是以“do nothing”为生的创意,和其衍生来的一些故事,给我带来了很多思考:人际交往、友谊、倾诉对象,以及什么都不做的人存在于世的意义……谨以此文记录一些我读书过程中的随想。

Image sourced from Amazon.com

倾诉

在打开这本书之前,我默认大家的理想的倾诉对象都会是与自己有关系的人:比如关系很好、三观类似的朋友;比如感情好的伴侣或者亲人。怎么会有人想要雇佣一个毫无关系的人来听自己心底的想法呢?这样对陌生人诉说的意义何在?但这本书刷新了我对于“人类倾诉”这件事的认知。

书中提到,有些事情人们不愿意和亲近的人说,而更愿意和此生也许只是相逢一次的陌生人倾诉。比如rental person的一位客户曾与他倾诉自己是奥姆真理教教众的经历,并且分享了自己“大逆不道”的感受:觉得教中众人都甚好,且认为东京毒气事件是政府栽赃于教主的。这位客户内心深处的秘密无处与任何人诉说,却可以和完全陌生的工具人rental person毫无保留地和盘托出。

rental person补充道:“有时和亲近的人交往,需要有来有往,保持平衡。”在与友人的交往中,如果说了太多自己的事情,即有可能打破平衡,在对方心中变成索取无度的一方。如此需要小心翼翼地维持的所谓交往的“平衡之道”,我深以为然。而相反地,客户们和rental person讲述自己的故事时可以不需要顾虑任何事。rental person does nothing,他不需要被迫作出有价值的回应;而相应地,客户也不期待任何有意义的回应。这样的关系简单且轻松——双方都不需要维持那互相猜疑且易碎的社交的平衡感。

书里引用的一条推特提到:许多时候人们不愿与认识的人说心里话,或者花钱找人倾听——因为当有“关系”和“金钱”介入时,倾听方总企图想要替别人“厘清倾诉人的事情”,而大部分的时候人们并不需要这样的回应。甚至有人说,“厘清事情”只会把一切越搅越黄——给予自身观点和建议会造成更多的伤害,而不是带来有益的影响。这段观察也十分精准:基于自己的立场和经历,口气强硬地要为他人整理好生活、提出一些别人不需要的建议,在如今变成了一种十分讨人厌的行为。中文语境不就被称之为“爹味”嘛。

仔细一想,有些社交网络上的关系网也可以对标“倾诉者”与“陌生的倾听者”这个关系。如果大家除去网络关系之外,并无现实的交集,那么也就可以维持一种简单且平淡的关系:乐则和,不乐则散。这样的关系,与rental person和他的客户的关系不也十分类似么?不管是否维系与陌生网友的关系,最终并不会对自己现实的关系网造成太大的影响。

不禁想到,有时候人们在社交网络上发文,并不期待互动,并不期待建议,而只是寻求一种“被人看见”的感受。当然了,如果不想被人看到,那为什么要公开发在网上呢?只要知道被看见,就已经能得到莫大的力量。而只要看见,无论互动与否,都已经是给予了对方力量。人类,复杂又简单。

友谊

关于友谊,书中提到了一件很有趣的例子。有一个客户收到了一位朋友的结婚请柬,但她自认为与结婚双方没有熟悉到要付出时间和金钱去参加婚礼的地步。单纯地谎称有事,而不参加他人婚礼,在东亚社会想来是一件很有负罪感的事情。于是客户选择找到rental person,与他约定在婚礼当天见面。如此一来客户相当于事先有约,也就可以顺利推辞掉这位朋友的婚礼邀请。但同时,为了省出当天留给自己的时间,客户又希望rental person在婚礼早上给她发消息,取消这个会面。如此一来,客户既不算是说了谎,又节省了那天的行程。这或许能缓解她内心的负罪感。

但这到底是不是一个谎言呢?婚礼当天早上rental person完全忘记了发消息取消这个约定,导致客户借口不去婚礼这件事,板上钉钉地变成了谎言。这件事情让我想到了在东亚语境下的人际交往中所需要遵循的各种繁文缛节,和为了维持一系列关系所充斥着的不愉快。如此费劲心思地找借口,显然是是一种避免潜在冲突的逃避之法。如果这位客户直说不想去这场婚礼,在“结婚是一件人生大事”的文化中,恐怕会让她与朋友的关系难以为继。人际交往无法随心所欲。

相应地,有人在推特上对rental person 表示感谢:客户只需要花少量的钱,就可以跟他倾诉几个小时。并且因为现实中没有任何交织在一起的人际关系,因此不需要在言语措辞上顾虑许多。而反直觉的是,友谊却是一个需要大量时间和金钱来维护的东西。

这里还有一些有趣的观察,友谊需要被小心谨慎的对待:当朋友借给你一些她喜欢的书影音时,你在归还的过程中总需要给一些回馈。如果恰好你们的意见并不那么一致,那么你还得小心斟酌地用词。更别说有时候你们或许会因为不舒服的沟通方式而闹出一些不愉快。

若是用经济的方式算一笔账:深入的友谊,在时间、金钱和情绪上,都需要一个人付出许多的价值来维护。或大或小的摩擦、不同的人生轨迹、一方的退却,都会让双方过去付出的一切变成沉没成本。

性别

另外有些思考,即关于rental person的一些标签:“性别男”、“已婚”。已婚男这点使得很多客户(再此我认为是女性)表达了对他的放心,并愿意租赁他来共同做一些事情。我不由得想到日本还有大叔租赁这样持续了十二年的服务,rental person并不是唯一一个出租自己的人。而仔细一想,这些“租赁自身”的服务很难由女性提供。rental person提到最开始他并没有说自己是已婚时,有的客户即提出了性需求。我想若是女性,肯定会收到更多类似的要求。

另一位女性所决定成婚的这位男性,给了其他女性足够的安全感——这种性别的特定性也是rental person这本书中未提到,而细想唏嘘的部分。我不知道客户的男女比例有多少,但是从书中提到的很多故事中的人称代词来看,女性的客户还是非常多的。

不过话说回来,在日本,女性需要租赁另一个人来一起做一些事这件事竟然并不少见。这点也让我很惊讶。女性在公开活动中时常需要其他人的陪伴,是文化带来的压力吗?

我最喜欢的一个请求,也是成书时rental person在推特上转发、互动和点赞最多的一条请求,是由一位狗主人发送的。

狗主人提到每天遛狗时,狗因为喜欢人而想跟所有人互动。但是心思细腻的狗主人并不想麻烦到路人,因此会尽量把狗拉走。狗每天都为此而悲伤。为了让狗不那么悲伤一次,她邀请rental person来她平时遛狗的地方,装作一个什么都不知道的陌生人去摸摸狗,和狗互动。

rental person如约而至地来撸狗,狗十分开心。结束后,狗主人还给了他一张湿纸巾擦手。主人说她平时随身携带,就是为了一些给路过撸狗的陌生人……真是好贴心的主人。他离开后主人给他发私信说狗很难过,一直望着他走的方向,并且尾巴夹得紧紧的。

rental person说:这是一个只有人类能提供的服务,AI取代不了。而这个请求之所以动人,是因为它体现了一个主人对她宠物的爱。

思绪发散,站在窗边,看乌鸦叼着路边捡的食物起起伏伏地飞来飞去,又想到对象喜欢出去喂乌鸦。在那个特定时刻,对象需要的只是一只乌鸦在那里,接受她的食物,仅此而已。“喂乌鸦”这样一件不具有社会价值的举动,也是一个只有人类才会去做的事情。也许是乌鸦愿意接纳她的善意这件事,让她感到喜悦。而相对地,乌鸦不需要提供任何的物质价值——只需要享受那过期的坚果。其他生物仅仅是愿意接受她的食物,已经可以让她得到满足。

有时人类给予他者的爱是无私的——它并不来源于渴望索取客体所提供的价值,或向外展现一个强大的“自我”,它仅仅来源于他者存在的本身。在如今这样物欲横流的时代,人类群体中偶然的这些闪光瞬间仿佛浪里淘金,但光彩动人。

丛林法则

最令人深思的部分是rental person提到自己为何会成为一个“什么都不做的人”。当他仍然是社会打工人时,他年复一年地被期待着做相似的工作,相似的工作让他觉得无聊。不仅如此,每一次新的任务来临时,他需要用比原来更快的速度、更高的标准去完成,像一个在不断进化的工具。而当他写简历换工作时,他也必须以过去相似的经历来包装自己,并且要表现得积极向上,热爱工作,才能得到新的机会。除此以外,在公司架构变动中,还必须适应自己不曾想到的更难的挑战:比如从普通撰稿人,转换到指导他人写作的项目负责人。若是像他一样无法适应挑战,则需要容忍老板的辱骂:“你这样的人有什么用!”

rental person的工作生涯从教辅书撰稿人开始,到因受不了职能转换而辞职,到变成自由写作者,到被委托大量重复性工作,到彻底结束打工人生活——什么都不做,仿佛是对资本主义社会中,主流工作观的一种默默地反叛。

不同于大部分东亚人,他选择了宽容自己,拒绝融入社会主流。这样的选择或许来源于他亲兄妹的经历:rental person的哥哥因为考学失败,彻底失去生活的信心,而在家中当上废柴,如此已经几十年;而妹妹则是因为大学毕业后一年多都找不到工作,灰心丧气地选择了自杀。社会的共识不需要被明说:“什么都不做的人”不被这个社会所接受,“什么都不做的人”即是“无用的废物”。这样的社会压力潜移默化地压制在每一个人身上,让那些身不由己脱离了主流轨道的人无所适从。即使他兄妹身边亲人、朋友、爱人一直爱着这样在社会价值中“无用”的人,并希望他们一直幸福地生存下去,他们自己也最终无法接受社会默认标准下“无用的自己”而致于精神被完全压垮,选择永久地离开这个社会。

探索一个不提供社会价值的人是否可以继续在社会上生存,可以生存多久。这就是他开始这件事的初衷。

在这个当下承受了社会的种种拒绝,我无法做到自己想做的事,显得如此“无用”之时,这本书给了我一些安慰和反思:每个人其实没有那么特别,但又是不可或缺的。或许我们都在这样的一个个价值变换浮沉的瞬间里生存,也并不需要纠结并斤斤计较哪一个瞬间我是必不可少的“我”,而不只是一个人的符号。生而为人还是可以做有一些只有人类才能办得到的事情,或许这样已经有足够的慰藉。

书的最后rental person提到,他刚出生的孩子给他带来了很多思考。孩子什么都不做,但仍然会得到食物、住所和生存所需的资源,以及人类的爱。孩子可以完全做自己:比如不喜欢吃的东西直接吐出来,比如不开心时就哇哇大哭。但是在某一个时刻,他们为了生存,接受了社会的法则,长大变成了成人,从而打破了他们自己曾经单纯真挚的壳。他希望每个人能像孩子那样生存下去,这样他也就能变成社会主流,“什么都不做”般地生存下去,而不会受到什么非议。

虽然这个愿望充满了吸引力,但这十分理想化。我不由得想到那些刚出生即被父母遗弃的孩子,因为缺陷而受到歧视的孩子,因为显得弱小而被霸凌的孩子……我想人类文明的发展仍然是无法摆脱丛林属性的:人人都获得物质上的平等永远是天方夜谭,获得精神上的平等也难于登天。即使露出冰面的愿望再美好,冰山之下仍然是野性争夺的丛林。

但正是这些常态化的黑暗面的存在,才使得偶然存在的光明面如此闪耀,这二者相辅相成,都将不以人的意志为转移而一直存在下去。不过谢谢这本书给这样险恶的丛林带来这些善的部分,带来这些思考,甚至带来这样充满着冒险的“不产生任何社会价值”的实验。放弃也好,拼搏也好,rental person给了我一些继续生存下去的动力。

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English Version

While this book is a work of non-fiction, this review may touch upon its content, potentially affecting the experience of first-time readers. Therefore, if interested, please read the original book before proceeding with this article.

Encountering this book was serendipitous for my spouse and me as we browsed the new releases section of the library. My spouse picked up the last copy of “Rental Person Who Does Nothing” from the shelf, and as she flipped through it, another person hurried over, leaving us with a cryptic remark: “It’s an interesting book. Very funny. Very interesting.” Then she vanished as swiftly as they appeared. It was our first encounter with such spontaneous, face-to-face recommendations from an American acquaintance. Out of curiosity, my spouse brought the book home.

Initially disinterested, as an unwillingly-unemployed person with ample time and plenty of anxieties, I casually opened the book at home. Little did I expect to be completely engrossed after the first paragraph: a Tokyo-born and bred Japanese person advertise himself as a “do-nothing person” to rent out his time and energy almost for free. What kind of stories would emerge from this setup? And who are the people in need of renting such a person? The preface and afterword even mention that the rental person isn’t the author; he only responded to the questions posed by the organizer, with the actual writing of the book done by someone else, truly living up to the philosophy of “do nothing.”

This book isn’t particularly literary—perhaps due to being a translated text or the rental person’s philosophical adherence to doing nothing—the writing throughout is quite straightforward. Moreover, the final two chapters contain a lot of repetition, which can be tiresome. However, the creativity behind “doing nothing” as a way of life and the stories it spawns have given me much to ponder: relationships, friendships, and the meaning of the existence of people who do nothing in the world. Herein lies a record of some musings I had during my reading journey.

Confessions

Before delving into this book, I assumed that everyone’s ideal confidant would be someone they have a connection with: like close friends with similar values or partners and family with strong emotional bonds. How could anyone want to hire a stranger to listen to their innermost thoughts? What’s the point of confiding in a stranger? However, this book has reshaped my understanding of “human confessions.”

It mentions that there are things people are reluctant to share with those close to them. Instead, they prefer to confide in strangers they may only meet once in their lifetime. For instance, one of the rental person’s clients confided in him about his experience as a member of the Aum Shinrikyo cult. He felt that everyone in the cult was kind and believed that the Tokyo sarin attack was orchestrated by the government. This client harbored deep-seated secrets that they couldn’t share with anyone but the completely unknown rental person.

The rental person adds, “Sometimes, in relationships with close friends, there needs to be a balance.” In interactions with friends, if one shares too much about themselves, it can potentially upset the balance and make them appear overly demanding. This so-called “balance of interaction” that needs to be carefully maintained resonates deeply with me. Conversely, when clients tell their stories to the rental person, they needn’t worry about anything. The rental person does nothing; they don’t need to offer valuable responses, and correspondingly, clients don’t expect any meaningful responses. This relationship is simple and easy—neither side needs to maintain the delicate balance of mutual suspicion and fragility that comes with social interactions.

A tweet quoted in the book mentions that often people are unwilling to confide in acquaintances or pay for someone to listen because when “relationships” and “money” come into play, the listener always tries to “clarify the confessor’s situation” for them, something that most of the time, people don’t need. Some even say that “clarifying things” only makes everything more confusing—giving personal opinions and advice can cause more harm than good. This observation is spot-on: forcefully trying to organize someone else’s life and offering unwanted advice based on one’s own perspective and experiences has become quite irritating nowadays. In the Chinese context, this behavior is often referred to as “daddy behavior.”

Upon reflection, some relationships on social networks can also be likened to the relationship between “confessors” and “strange listeners.” If there’s no real-life connection beyond the online network, then a simple and bland relationship can be maintained: enjoy together or disband. Isn’t this relationship similar to that between the rental person and their clients? Whether or not one maintains relationships with strangers online, it ultimately doesn’t have much impact on their real-life social networks.

It makes me wonder, sometimes people post on social networks not expecting interaction or advice, but merely seeking a feeling of “being seen.” Of course, if you don’t want to be seen, why post publicly online? Just knowing that you’re being seen can give you immense power. And just by seeing, regardless of interaction, you’re already empowering the other person. Humans, complex yet simple.

Friendship

Regarding friendship, the book mentions an intriguing example. One client received a wedding invitation from a friend, but she felt she wasn’t close enough to the couple to invest time and money in attending the wedding. Simply fabricating an excuse not to attend someone’s wedding is considered quite guilt-inducing in East Asian society. So, the client chose to reach out to the rental person and arranged to meet him on the day of the wedding. By doing so, the client effectively had a prior engagement and could politely decline the wedding invitation. However, to free up her schedule for the day, the client also hoped the rental person would send her a message in the morning of the wedding, canceling their meeting. This way, the client wouldn’t technically be lying and could save her time for the day. Perhaps this could alleviate her sense of guilt.

But was this really a lie? On the morning of the wedding, the rental person completely forgot to send a message canceling the appointment, resulting in the client using the excuse not to attend the wedding—a lie. This incident reminded me of the various formalities that need to be followed in interpersonal relationships in East Asian contexts and the unpleasantness that pervades to maintain a series of relationships. Going to such lengths to find excuses is evidently a way to avoid potential conflicts. If this client had simply stated that she didn’t want to attend the wedding, in a culture where “marriage is a major life event,” it might have strained her friendship with the friend. Interpersonal relationships cannot always be handled as one wishes.

In response, some expressed gratitude to the rental person on Twitter: clients only need to spend a small amount of money to confide in him for a few hours. And because there are no intertwined interpersonal relationships in reality, there’s no need to worry about the wording. Counterintuitively, friendship requires a significant investment of time and money to maintain.

There are some other interesting observations here: friendship requires careful handling. When a friend lends you some of her favorite books or media, you always need to give some feedback during the return process. If your opinions happen to differ, you still need to be cautious in your choice of words. Not to mention that sometimes you may have some unpleasantness due to uncomfortable communication methods.

If we were to calculate it economically: deep friendships require a person to invest a great deal of value in terms of time, money, and emotions to maintain. Frictions, different life trajectories, or one party’s retreat can turn everything both parties have invested into sunk costs, whether large or small.

Gender

Additionally, there are some reflections on certain labels attached to the rental person: “male” and “married.” Being a married man has made many clients (whom I believe are predominantly female) express trust in him and be willing to rent him to do things together. It inevitably brings to mind the service of renting “uncles” in Japan, which has been going on for twelve years. The rental person is not the only one renting themselves out. Upon careful consideration, it’s challenging for women to provide such “renting oneself” services. The rental person mentioned that some clients expressed sexual demands when he didn’t initially disclose his marital status. I imagine if he were a woman, she would undoubtedly receive more similar requests.

The decision of another woman to marry this man gave other women a sense of security—this gender-specific aspect is not mentioned in the rental person’s book, but it’s a poignant detail upon closer reflection. I’m not sure about the gender ratio of clients, but judging from the pronouns used in many stories mentioned in the book, there are indeed many female clients.

However, on another note, in Japan, it’s not uncommon for women to rent another person to do things together. This fact also surprised me. Is it cultural pressure that often requires women to have companionship in public activities?

Love

One of my favorite requests, and also the one with the most retweets, interactions, and likes when it was posted, was from a dog owner.

The dog owner mentioned that every time she walk her dog, the dog wants to interact with everyone because it loves people. However, being considerate, the dog owner doesn’t want to inconvenience strangers, so she try to pull the dog away. This makes the dog sad every day. To cheer the dog up, she invited the rental person to the usual walking spot and pretended to be a stranger who wanted to pet the dog and interact with it.

The rental person arrived as agreed and petted the dog, making it very happy. Afterward, the dog owner even gave him a wet wipe to clean his hands. She said she always carries them for strangers who stop to pet the dog… such a thoughtful owner. After he left, she sent him a private message saying the dog was sad, watching him walk away, with its tail tucked tightly.

The rental person said: This is a service that only humans can provide, AI cannot replace it. And what makes this request so touching is that it reflects the love a owner has for her pet.

As my thoughts wander, standing by the window, watching the crows flying up and down with food they found on the roadside, I also think of how much my partner enjoys feeding crows. At that moment, all my partner needs is a crow there to accept her food, nothing more. Feeding crows, an act devoid of social value, is also something only humans would do. Perhaps it’s the fact that the crows are willing to accept her goodwill that brings her joy. And in return, the crows don’t need to provide any material value—they simply enjoy the expired nuts. The willingness of other creatures to accept her offering is enough to satisfy her.

Sometimes, the love humans give to others is selfless—it doesn’t stem from a desire to extract value from the object of affection or to project a powerful “self” outwardly; it simply comes from the existence of others themselves. In today’s materialistic world, these occasional moments of brilliance within the human collective are like finding gold in the waves, shining brightly and movingly.

The Society Is A Jungle

One of the most thought-provoking aspects is when the rental person talks about why he became a “person who does nothing.” When he was still a worker in society, he found himself doing similar tasks year after year, which made him feel bored. Not only that, every time a new task came, he had to complete it at a faster pace and with higher standards, like a tool evolving constantly. When he wrote his resume to switch jobs, he had to package himself with similar past experiences and show enthusiasm to get new opportunities. Moreover, during changes in the company structure, he had to adapt to even more challenging tasks that he had never anticipated, such as transitioning from a regular content writer to a project manager guiding others in writing. If one couldn’t adapt to the challenges like him, they had to endure the boss’s insults: “What use are you!”

The rental person’s career journey started as a textbook writer, then he resigned due to the inability to cope with role changes, became a freelance writer, took on a lot of repetitive work, and ultimately ended his life as a worker—doing nothing, seemed like a silent rebellion against the mainstream work culture in capitalist society.

Unlike most East Asians, he chose to follow his heart and refused to integrate into the mainstream society. Perhaps this choice stems from the experiences of his siblings: his brother lost confidence in life due to failing the entrance exam and became a “loser” at home for decades; while his sister, after graduating from college, couldn’t find a job for over a year, lost hope, and chose suicide. The consensus of society doesn’t need to be explicitly stated: “a person who does nothing” is not accepted by society, and “a person who does nothing” is considered “useless waste.” This societal pressure subtly suppresses everyone, leaving those involuntarily detached from the mainstream at a loss. Even though his siblings are loved by family, friends, and partners, and they hope they can live happily, they ultimately cannot accept being considered “useless” by society’s default standards and end up completely crushed mentally, choosing to permanently leave this society.

Exploring whether a person who doesn’t provide social value can continue to survive in society and how long they can survive. That was his original intention for starting this experiment.

In the midst of enduring various rejections from society, feeling so “useless” that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, this book gave me some comfort and reflection: everyone isn’t as special as they think, but they are indispensable. Perhaps we are all just surviving in such moments of value fluctuation, and we don’t need to be entangled in which moment I am an indispensable “me,” rather than just a symbol of a person. Being human still allows us to do some things that only humans can do, and perhaps that is enough consolation.

At the end of the book, the rental person mentioned that his newborn child brought him a lot of contemplation. Babies do nothing, yet they still receive food, shelter, and the resources necessary for survival, as well as human love. Babies can just be themselves: for example, spitting out food they don’t like directly or crying loudly when unhappy. But at some point, they accept the rules of society for survival, grow up to become adults, and break through their once simple and sincere shells. He hopes everyone can survive like children, so he can also live on like the mainstream, “doing nothing,” without any criticism.

Although this wish is attractive, it is highly idealized. I can’t help but think of those babies who are abandoned by their parents immediately after birth, discriminated against because of their disabilities, or bullied because they seem weak… The development of human civilization is still unable to escape its jungle attributes: achieving material equality for everyone is always a pipe dream, and achieving spiritual equality is also extremely difficult. Even if the desire beneath the surface seems beautiful, underneath the iceberg, the jungle of wild competition still exists.

However, it is the existence of these normalized dark sides that makes the occasional bright sides shine so brightly. These two complement each other and will continue to exist regardless of human will. Nevertheless, thanks to this book for bringing these good aspects to such a perilous jungle, for bringing these thoughts, and even for bringing such adventurous experiments of “producing no social value.” Whether giving up or striving, the rental person has given me some motivation to continue surviving.

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来自几千年后的感受 — 浅评唐宋传奇小说集 卷一 | Impressions from Thousands of Years Ahead: A Critique of the “Anthology of Tang and Song Tales” – Volume One

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The English translation is assisted by chatGPT. Please scroll down to the very end of this article to view the English version. 

最近受到毛象友邻的启发,开始读《唐宋传奇小说集》。我读的是这个版本。一开始只是当作厕所读物随便看看,结果读着读着旧的回忆和新的感触竟然一起涌上心头。每天看完以后我还忍不住给对象讲睡前故事,对象也会加一些辛辣评语,于是决定将这些感想写下来。文字也没有特别斟酌过,所以就算是浅评了。

我给每一篇小说都加上了百度百科的链接,若是阅书不便,可以通过链接阅读原版文言文或是翻译文。没有选维基百科的原因是:维基百科没有放原文,它只是给每篇小说写了一段几句话的总结。我觉得原文值得一读。若是之前没读过,而只看这样的故事纲要则太可惜了。因此就没有选作链接。

这篇文章还有英文版,中文阅读者可以直接跳过。我很好奇会不会被其他国家的人用英语搜索到,若是能产生一些交流那就更有趣了。

中文版

狐妖何苦,古镜何苦——评<古镜记>

我是第二次看这篇文章了。文中关于古镜的描写栩栩如生:“镜横径八寸,鼻作麒麟蹲伏之象,绕鼻列四方,龟龙凤虎,依方陈布。四方外又设八卦,卦外置十二辰位,而具畜焉。辰畜之外,又置二十四字,周绕轮廓,文体似隶,点画无缺,而非字书所有也。侯生云二十四气之象形。承日照之,则背上文画,墨入影内,纤毫无失。举而扣之,清音徐引,竟日方绝。”,短短数字,一款布满玄妙灵物的古镜形象跃然纸上。

文中还提到了古镜的这句来历:“昔者吾闻黄帝铸十五镜,其第一横径一尺五寸,法满月之数也。以其相差各校一寸,此第八镜也。”也就是说,一个月阴晴圆缺十五天,则一共有十五面镜子。根据这面镜子的尺寸,是第八面。运用月相来设计镜子,充满了玄妙的道家意味。文中还描写了古镜和另一把宝剑之间争夺地位的描写,为这两件物体赋予了自我意识和灵性。古镜的前主人苏绰,还为古镜的去向进行了一场占卜。占卜过程很生动,占卜结果神准,此事还为结局埋下了伏笔。

故事中有不少的人物出现,其中让我印象最深的就是刚开始被古镜创到的千年狐狸。狐狸好惨,狐女更惨!狐女除了被人类收养为女儿的过程是开心的,之后的狐生充满了痛苦。她被养父嫁人之后,毫无意外地开始了一个平凡中国古代女性的悲惨人生:首先是与夫家不和,费劲逃了出来;接着在路上被陌生男性劫掠,被挟持了三年;之后因为生病一直好不了,眼看着不行了,就被该男子丢弃在客栈。狐女在客栈住着,病渐渐好了,为报答客栈主人而做女婢,自立更生。结果却突然被古镜照到,无法再当人了。因为她变成人形太久,羞于变回狐狸,于是求古镜主人在死前赐她一夜笙歌。临死前她歌一曲:“宝镜宝镜,哀哉予命!自我离形,而今几姓?生虽可乐,死必不伤。何为眷恋,守此一方!”开完趴的第二天早上,狐女就去世了。

当人有什么好的呢?故事里她只是不想回头再当狐狸了,可能当狐狸无法受人尊重,享受人类社会微不足道的福利。能从这悲戚的人生里说出“生虽可乐”,可见女狐狸和女人一样,都有坚毅的心性。

关于宝镜的用途我有太多槽想吐。宝镜的主人王度,他用宝镜的方式还算是合理。用对象的话说都是一些”local scope”. 无非是:满月的时候关门欣赏古镜散发的光芒;或是用作斩除一些作恶到自家门前的妖怪,又或者拯救自己辖区内病苦的百姓等等。古镜对主人没什么怨言,只是抱怨了一下自己上工很累呀:百姓生病是上天定好的,那么快治好没必要罢了。老板王度也及时地将它收起来,让它好好休养生息了。

然而王度有个弟弟,弟弟非要在乱世出去到处游玩作死。他无私地把镜子借给弟弟王勣以后,事态陡变。镜子碰到了弟弟,仿佛就是一个high performer IC碰到一个bad manager. 王勣竟整一些impact巨大、干起来累,又无用的项目。他上来就把谈吐不凡的乌龟精和白猿精给整死了,这两个妖精只是与他谈天说地而已,并没有要害他。他害死它们的原因可能只是嫉妒二妖谈吐不凡?接下来他又非要在浪急的时候渡江,让古镜摩西分海,太不energy-efficient了吧?甚至还大材小用,把镜子当作山林里的防熊喷雾!暴殄天物。最后古镜精灵终于受不了了:神力被无意义地耗干了,想回天上了。于是镜子托梦给弟弟让他赶紧回家。最后它在哥哥家又呆了数月就回天上去了。

可见bad manager对于high performer IC的消耗巨大。

注:IC 指的是公司背景中的“个体贡献者”,这个类比用于描述镜子作为一个强大的打工人的形象。

黑粉捏造的谣言——评<补江总白猿传>

这是我第一次看这个故事。

首先名字就很离谱:江总是南朝陈后主的好朋友兼副手,但俩人都不管事,日常活动就是一起写淫词艳语。这个标题意思是江总这个人,写了篇文章叫<白猿传>,这个佚名作者受到江总所托,来补上白猿传的另一部分。然而可笑的事,江总并没有写过白猿传,这篇文章自然也是瞎编的。

读到结尾时我满头问号:这个白猿的遗腹子姓欧阳,又擅长书法,难道是……欧阳询?!仔细一查,果然这篇小说是当时某个欧阳询的黑粉写的,主要目的是讽刺欧阳询的长相——因为欧阳询很瘦,状似“猕猴”。而唐朝以胖为美,他就算是长得很丑的人了。人类好糟糕啊,偶尔闲话一句嘲笑人家的长相还不够,竟然还要特地写一篇小说出来讥讽。我顿时觉得欧阳询很惨。

关于他的长相还有个八卦。欧阳询参加长孙皇后葬礼的时候,碰到了当时修国史的文官许敬宗。许敬宗看到欧阳询的丑陋,忍不住哈哈大笑,结果被巡查的御史弹劾贬职了。许敬宗这个人真是不专业到极点。但初唐时,文化开放,经济蒸蒸日上,这种有污点的人才也不愁有份好工作,所以许敬宗后来又被提拔起来了,甚至一度做到了宰相level. 台湾有个庙还供着许敬宗,是一个类似文昌星君的神呢。

话说回来,欧阳询不仅被同僚嘲笑,他还被唐高宗李渊评价过:“没想到欧阳询的名声竟大到连远方的夷狄都知道。他们看到欧阳询的笔迹,一定以为他是位形貌魁梧的人物吧。”可见在大老板的心里,他的长相也是配不上这个书法大家的称谓的,只是老板很文明,没有明着没说出来罢了。

我本觉得他因容貌被嘲笑很悲惨。然而仔细一查,发现欧阳询也挺会嘲讽别人的。《全唐诗》一共录用了他三首诗,二首都是作来讥讽他人的。人类真的太糟糕了,这些当时的名士、书法大家,其实人品也不过如此。

欧阳询的生平也挺起伏的,但总的来说很幸运。他出生在官宦家庭,本应该养尊处优,然而父亲造反,株连全家。因为陈后主跟前的红人江总特别喜欢欧阳询,觉得他聪慧,所以收养了小欧阳询,他这才得以从父亲这灭门的滔天罪过中活命。之后,他经历了南朝灭亡、隋朝灭亡,并迎来了改革开放吹遍江南大地的唐朝。最终在唐朝做了一个收入稳定的文职公务员……真是坎坷但幸运的一生。

欧阳询的四儿子欧阳通就没那么幸运了。他从小就是被妈妈徐氏鸡娃的对象。徐氏最终成功鞭笞了欧阳通来继承爸爸大书法家的衣钵,被称为大小欧阳。小欧阳没被人嘲笑过丑陋,可能是妈妈徐氏长得很美吧!

欧阳通因为反对武则天立武家人当太子,被武则天的狗腿子来俊臣投入牢里殴打。来俊臣殴打了欧阳通好长时间,也套不出他的罪证。于是他只好把欧阳通认识的人给关了起来,屈打成招。让欧阳通的友人诬蔑欧阳通谋反,这才找机会把欧阳通给杀了。即使武则天为欧阳通平反了,小欧阳这身世也太惨了。

在古代当一个有原则的知识分子公务员好累:必须按照三纲五常好好对皇帝谏言,还要接受会被喜怒无常的皇帝随机杀掉的命运。令人叹息。

追爱小说的范本——评<离魂记>

第一次读这个故事是在西方人画的儿童绘本《Zen Ghosts》上,当时我对这个故事的印象非常差:首先我觉得这个故事跟Zen关系不大;其次,这样原分不动照抄故事的绘本,让我有些许的反感。这些绘本的好处在于:可以传播给一些有阅读障碍的人群,比如儿童。但是绘本售价昂贵,又能为多少人所看到呢?此外我认为这些绘本应该标注上原创作者,写上自己只是作画而已。像《Zen Ghosts》这样的改编,很难脱离抄袭的范畴。难道仅仅因为原作是文字形式,而这作是儿童绘本形式,就不算抄袭吗?

话说回来,儿童绘本的作者提到,他读的原作是日本的禅语故事<Sei and Her Soul Separate>. 因为我对绘本中的故事一头雾水,决定读读这个原作来参禅悟道。读完我觉得这个故事和禅的联系非常微弱。

直到最近读到了这篇<离魂记>,我脑海中灵光一现:哦!真正的原作是这样的!我认为拿这个故事来参禅,就和拿毛巾来参禅是一个效果,并不特别贴切。说起来,对象之前借的一本日本禅宗的书也引用了很多唐宋古诗来参禅。它摘抄的古诗大多是第一、第二句起兴写景的,其中甚至有些恋爱诗,十分奇怪。大约日本的参禅方式还是跟我国不太一样。虽然千人参千禅,但作为在中国文化里长大的人来看,这篇小说的重点并不在于证悟。

我觉得这个故事更多还是探讨封建时代自由恋爱的问题。元代作家郑光祖还受到启发,将<离魂记>改编为杂剧《倩女离魂》。此篇更是影响了明代汤显祖的《牡丹亭》。后二者都提到了女性为了追求所爱竟然离魂追随的情节,与此文简直如出一辙。不过汤显祖集所有人之大成,加了更多的起承转折,使得故事更离奇丰满了。

不过在这个故事各种变体里,为什么都是女性离魂追随男方而去呢?为什么男方都必须中科举,在封建社会大为成功才行呢?也许作者们觉得普通男子并配不上这些大胆追爱的女性吧。一定要男做官,女嫁郎才算是圆圆满满。美丽女子如果只是与一普通男性私奔,便无法引得大众的惋惜与共情了。

功名利禄如梦幻泡影——评<枕中记>

没想到<枕中记>说的就是进入枕头后的故事。我看到最后,卢生梦醒了,黄米饭还没煮熟,突然意识到这就是“黄粱一梦”的由来。年幼的时候看过这个故事,但印象里都是荣华富贵多么多么好,醒来发现自己什么都没有,我深深地共情了故事的主人公:啊如果我在现实中也有荣华富贵就好了!

但是,这次读完,发现梦里荣华富贵的世界没有那么美好啊!做梦的卢生在梦里经历了大起大落的人生,甚至说出了“吾家山东,有良田五顷,足以御寒馁,何苦求禄?而今及此,思短褐、乘青驹,行邯郸道中,不可得也!”结尾卢生醒来,向老道感谢并表示自己悟到了。人到中年读起这段来真是感慨万千。加上之前查到的大小欧阳的官场故事,也佐证了这篇小说。

类似的故事还有一个,叫“南柯一梦”。鲁迅还评价过这两篇小说,认为“南柯一梦”的原型<南柯太守传>更胜一筹。我读完,又发现以前读过。

南柯太守淳于棼,同样做了场大梦,醒来后竟然与朋友一起找到了梦中的槐安国。在槐安国中,他享受了数不清的荣华富贵、经历了过山车般的人生起伏。令人细思极恐的是,梦中槐安国的预言还与现实一一对应。最后淳于棼还发现,他在槐安国碰见的两个朋友,在现实中也几乎精神幻灭,与梦中对应。

故事的结局是:原本混沌度日的淳于棼,开始栖心道门,戒弃酒色。然而命运已定——梦中与父亲的三年之期方到,淳于棼即逝世了。

这篇故事确实比<枕中记>精彩。它将梦境和现实的一一对应:让人不知梦是当下,还是当下如梦。<枕中记>的最后,卢生或许可以过更幸福、更清醒的一生;但<南柯太守传>的最后,淳于棼入道门,也无法改变自己的死期。后者的结局增添了悲哀的色彩。

另外我很惊讶:这两篇小说都有英文版本。是这两篇小说太有名,还是维基百科太强大呢?维基百科的英文版甚至是全文翻译……这两篇小说一定会被世界各地的禅学家拿来参禅吧?有兴趣的话可以去英文版的链接看看。

狐女和人类共存的科幻世界——评<任氏传>

这篇故事很长,是典型的美丽狐女和普通人类男性的感情故事。

故事从美若天仙的狐女任氏,与又穷又丑的郑六发生了一夜情开始。随后二人发展起稳定的亲密关系。故事中,郑六有个有钱有势的兄弟韦崟,企图强上任氏,结果被任氏一介狐女所成功教化,学会了尊重任氏。之后三人发展出了和谐的亲密关系:任氏一度想办法报答韦崟、帮郑六赚点小钱。最后故事结束于一个悲剧:俩兄弟不信玄学预言,导致任氏暴毙。

整个剧情跌宕起伏,除了中间一段让人作呕:任氏报答韦崟的方法竟然是通过祸害别的狐女。其他的部分我都看得津津有味。

这篇小说有点像狐女小说的开山鼻祖,以往狐狸精都是来害人的,但这篇“开后世赋予狐精以美好形象的风气”。有趣的是,韦崟跟任氏提到的美女,几乎都是任氏的亲戚——也就是狐狸。说明这篇小说塑造了一个狐女和人类共存的世界(不过好像没有狐男哈)。

古代的狐女太惨,她们因为种族原因,被认为是社会的最底层。只能住破房子,靠幻术来变成普通人。当人类的底层人民郑六看上她的美貌和身段,并不介意她的狐女身份后,她就十分感动、决心一意报答了。换成今天的语境,就是一个世界小姐级别的少数族裔,看上了一个普通的大农村的白人,白人还因为少数族裔的种族,而绝对不会和她结婚。虽然人和人不能用任何方式来比较贵贱,但不知道多少人看到这种故事,要在网上替任氏觉得不值。

最好笑的是写小说的作者也是这么想的:他觉得郑六粗人一个,根本不懂任氏的细腻内心,居然什么都没记录下来,还是靠文人间口口相传,最后作者这个不相干的人写了任氏的传记。作者觉得任氏对郑六死心塌地,真是可惜极了。这个评价也充满了偏见,仿佛作者觉得只有任氏爱上了文艺青年,文艺青年多写点文章歌颂她,此生才算不亏。

但文人政客就能比郑六对任氏更一心一意吗?任氏到底喜欢什么样的男子呢?被写下来歌颂就那么重要吗?哦对了,古代的时候女子的想法并不重要,主要是靠文人墨客来评判她和她的如意郎君是否相配。总之这个评价语我觉得很可笑了。

不知不觉啰嗦地写了好多,第一卷就评价到这里吧。接下来我也会按卷分成不同的文章,敬请期待。

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English Version – Impressions from Thousands of Years Ahead: A Critique of the “Anthology of Tang and Song Tales” – Volume One

Recently inspired by my Mastodon friends, I’ve delved into the collection of Tang and Song legendary novels. Initially, I treated it as casual bathroom reading, but unexpectedly, a mix of old memories and new impressions flooded my mind as I delved deeper. After finishing each section, I couldn’t resist sharing these stories with my significant other, who provided some witty commentary. As a result, I’ve decided to jot down these reflections. The writing may not be meticulously crafted, so consider it more of a casual critique.

Why the Fox Woman Suffers, Why the Ancient Mirror Sorrows – A Review of “The Record of the Old Mirror

Feels like the second time reading this article. The vivid portrayal of the ancient mirror, described as “eight inches in width, with a nose resembling a crouching unicorn, adorned with images of tortoises, dragons, phoenixes, and tigers,” brings the magical world to life. The use of the mirror for divination based on lunar phases adds a touch of profound Taoist symbolism. The intriguing competition for supremacy between the ancient mirror and another precious sword, along with Su Chuo’s divination about the mirror’s whereabouts, adds a dynamic layer, foreshadowing the story’s conclusion.

The millennia-old fox spirit has quite a tough life, transforming into a woman but facing the tragic fate of Chinese women – marriage, escape, abduction, and abandonment. Her poignant song, “Precious mirror, oh, my lamentable fate! Departing from my form, how many lifetimes remain? Though life may bring joy, death won’t inflict pain. Why cling to the past, guarding this small realm?

What is there to cherish in being human? Perhaps it’s the reluctance to look back. The fact that she can say “Though life may bring joy” amid such a tragic existence reflects the fox spirit’s resilience.

Additionally, Wang Du, the owner of the mirror, seems to use it reasonably – combating evil spirits and aiding the suffering. The mirror, however, deems saving numerous commoners unnecessary and complains about the burden of work. Yet, after lending the mirror to his brother, Wang Ji, the applications he came up with seemed like a high-performing individual contributor encountering a bad manager, initiating projects with massive impact but ultimately useless. He immediately targeted the articulate Turtle Spirit and White Ape Spirit, causing their untimely demise. What did they do wrong? Following that, in a bizarre turn of events, he decided to cross the river in turbulent waters, asking the ancient mirror to perform a Moses act and part the sea – quite energy-inefficient, to say the least. Not to mention the mirror being misused as bear repellent in the wilderness. Well, after numerous attempts to reason, the wise mirror spirit resorted to dream communication, urging the brother to return home. He stayed at Wang Du’s place for a few more months before finally returning to the heavens. It’s evident that a bad manager can be a significant drain on a high-performing IC.

【Note: IC refers to Individual Contributor in the corporate context, and the analogy is used to describe the mirror’s role as an active, high-impact entity.】

Rumors Fabricated by Haters — Review of “A Supplement to Jiang Zong’s ‘Biography of a White Ape‘”

This is my first time diving into this story, and right off the bat, the title is quite absurd. Jiang Zong, supposedly the close friend and deputy of Chen Dynasty’s last emperor, Chen Houzhu, spent their time not attending to official matters but rather writing sexual poems together. The title suggests Jiang wrote a piece called “The Tale of The White Ape,” and this anonymous author is here to supplement another part of it. However, Jiang Zong never wrote “Biography of a White Ape“, making this article entirely fabricated.

As I reached the end, I was left with a head full of question marks. The child of this white ape is surnamed Ouyang and is also skilled in calligraphy. Could it be… Ouyang Xun? A quick check confirmed that this article was written by some enemy back then to satirize Ouyang Xun. Apparently, when Ouyang Xun aged, he became thin, resembling a “macaque.” In a time when Tang Dynasty valued plumpness, he was considered unattractive. Humans are quite terrible; not only do they mock others for their appearance, but they also go the extra mile to write a novel specifically to ridicule them. Suddenly, Ouyang Xun’s life seemed quite miserable.

Because Ouyang Xun was deemed ugly, when he attended the funeral of Empress Changsun, he encountered a governor Xu Jingzong, who was recording national history at the time. Xu Jingzong burst into laughter upon seeing Ouyang Xun’s ugliness and was later accused and demoted by a censor. This person was quite unprofessional, but maybe during early Tang, with an open culture and a thriving economy, talented individuals with blemishes could still secure employment. Xu Jingzong was eventually promoted and even reached the level of prime minister. There’s a temple in Taiwan dedicated to him, similar to a literary deity.

Not only was he ridiculed by colleagues, but the second Emperor of Tang, Li Yuan, also commented, “I never thought Ouyang Xun’s reputation would be so great that even the distant barbarians know about him. When they see Ouyang Xun’s handwriting, they must think he is a well-built figure.” Clearly, in the emperor’s eyes, his appearance didn’t match his title as a calligraphy master. He just didn’t say it out loud.

Thinking that he faced ridicule due to his looks was already sad, but upon closer inspection, Ouyang Xun was quite adept at mocking others. Out of the three poems included in the Complete Tang Poetry, two were written to satirize others. Humanity is indeed terrible; these so-called calligraphy masters aren’t much better in terms of character.

Ouyang Xun’s life had its ups and downs. Coming from an official family, his father’s rebellion led to the family’s downfall. As Ouyang Xun was still young, he was spared due to Jiang Zong’s appreciation for his wit, expressed through charming yet indecent poems. After surviving the downfall of Southern Chen and the Sui Dynasty, he finally secured a stable bureaucratic position in the Tang Dynasty. What a tumultuous journey.

The fourth son, Ouyang Tong, was groomed by his mother, Mrs. Xu, to inherit his father’s legacy, earning him the nickname ‘Little Ouyang‘ or ‘Ouyang Junior‘. Fortunately, Little Ouyang was spared from being ridiculed for his appearance; it seems Xun’s wife, Mrs. Xu must have been quite beautiful. Because he opposed the appointment of Emperor Wu’s family members as crown princes, he was imprisoned and beaten by Wu Zetian’s lackey Lai Junchen. Despite being beaten, no evidence of a crime was found. So, they decided to imprison people Ouyang Tong knew, force confessions accusing him of treason, and then execute them. Although he was later exonerated, Little Ouyang’s background was indeed quite tragic. In ancient times, being a principled intellectual and civil servant was exhausting. One had to adhere to Confucian values, bravely speak out, and face the unfortunate fate of being killed if the emperor wasn’t pleased with the advice.

Archetypal Love Pursuit Novel in Ancient China— Review of “An Account of the Detached Soul

My first encounter with this story happened to be in a children’s picture book, “Zen Ghosts,” and the experience was not very good. Firstly, I found the story to be loosely connected with Zen. Secondly, having read numerous books from the Zen series, I felt a slight aversion to these picture books that almost mechanically reproduce the original stories. While these picture books serve the purpose of reaching audiences with reading difficulties, such as children, their high prices limit their accessibility. Additionally, I believe they should credit the original authors and include the name of the illustrator. Adaptations like “Zen Ghosts” find it challenging to escape the realm of plagiarism just because the original work is in written form, while the adaptation is a children’s picture book. Is it not still considered plagiarism?

The author of the children’s picture book claims to have read the original work, a Japanese Zen story titled “<Sei and Her Soul Separate>.” So, I decided to read that story myself for enlightenment but still found it quite forced. It wasn’t until I came across “An Account of the Detached Soul” that it clicked in my mind: Ah! So, it’s this Tang and Song dynasty legendary novel! After finishing it, I concluded that using this story for Zen meditation is akin to practicing Zen with a towel — not that helpful. I’ve previously borrowed a Japanese Zen book that used many Tang and Song poems for meditation, most of which were picturesque descriptions or even some love poems, which I found rather odd. The approach to Zen meditation in Japan seems quite different from that in China. While thousands practice a thousand ways, as someone raised in Chinese culture, I don’t see the focus of this novel on enlightenment.

This story primarily delves into the issues of free love during feudal times. A quick online search reveals that Yuan Dynasty writer Zheng Guangzu adapted it into a drama titled “<The Enchanting Soul Separation>,” which significantly influenced Ming Dynasty playwright Tang Xianzu’s “<The Peony Pavilion>.” Both of the latter works mention the plot where a woman separates her soul to pursue the one she loves, mirroring this story. However, Tang Xianzu added more twists and turns, making the narrative more intriguing.

Yet, in various variations of this story, why is it always the female who separates her soul to pursue the male? Moreover, the male must pass the imperial examination, achieving significant success in feudal society. Perhaps the authors believe that a man who doesn’t pass the imperial examination isn’t worthy of these daring and love-pursuing women. It seems that the woman can only find fulfillment if the man achieves success in the feudal hierarchy. Otherwise, the elopement of a beautiful woman with an ordinary man wouldn’t evoke the sympathy and sorrow of the public.

Fame and Fortune, Like a Dream’s Fading Mirage — Review of “The World Inside a Pillow

Unexpectedly, the literal meaning of “The World Inside a Pillow” refers to the story that unfolds within a pillow. Upon reaching the end, awakening to find the yellow rice not yet cooked, I suddenly realized that this is the origin of the phrase “fanciful dream of wealth and rank“. I always thought I encountered this story in my youth, but my impression was one of wealth and grandeur, waking up to emptiness, leaving both the protagonist and me disheartened. Yet, after reading it this time, it turns out that the dream was not that great. Lu Sheng, the dreamer, experiences a rollercoaster life within the dream, even uttering, “My family in Shandong has five acres of fertile land, enough to ward off cold and hunger. Why seek an official position? But now, I think of the short brown robe, riding a green steed, traveling the road to Handan, unattainable!” At the end, Lu Sheng echoes the old Taoist, expressing gratitude and claiming to have attained enlightenment. Reading this passage in middle age is truly a reflection on life.

Similar stories always remind me of an idiom, “delusion of grandeur,” and I discovered that Lu Xun had also evaluated these two novels, considering the prototype of “The Governor of Nanke” , to be superior. I immediately went to read it. After finishing, I found it strangely familiar; I had read it before.

In “The Governor of Nanke“, the main character, Chunyu Fen, too, experiences a grand dream, and upon waking, he actually found the Huai’an Country from his dream. It is where he enjoyes wealth and glory, undergoes life’s ups and downs, and even the prophecies of the dream correspond one by one to reality. In the end, he discovers that the two friends he met in Huai’an Country have also mentally disintegrated in reality.

The story concludes with Chunyu Fen, who used to live aimlessly, embracing Daoism, renouncing wine and women. However, destiny is predetermined, and despite his newfound life in the dream, he passes away when the prophesied three years has come. This story is indeed more fascinating than “The World Inside a Pillow” due to the precise correspondence between dream and reality, leaving one uncertain whether the present is a dream or the dream is the present. While Lu Sheng in “The World Inside a Pillow” might have the potential for a happier, more awakened life, the conclusion of “The Governor of Nanke” adds a touch of sorrow, as Chunyu Fen’s entry into Daoism cannot alter the inevitable outcome of his impending death. Of course, I hope he experiences a peaceful and serene final three years of life.

Moreover, I’m surprised to find English versions of both novels. Is it because these two stories are so well-known, or is Wikipedia just that powerful? The English version of Wikipedia isn’t even a summary; it appears to be a full translation. These two stories will undoubtedly be used by Zen scholars worldwide for meditation. If interested, one can explore the English versions through the provided links.

A Sci-Fi World of Fox Women and Humans — Review of “The Tale of Miss Ren

This story is quite extensive, portraying an atypical romantic relationship between Ren, a fox woman, Miss Ren, and a human, Zheng Liu. It begins with a one-night stand between Ren and the poor and unattractive Zheng Liu, leading to the development of a stable and intimate relationship. Zheng Liu’s wealthy official friend, Wei Yin, attempted to rape Ren Shi. However, Ren Shi persuaded him to abandon the assault, and he learned to respect her instead. The narrative progresses to a harmonious relationship involving all three characters, with Ren repaying Wei Yin’s kindness and helping Zheng Liu make some extra money. Eventually, the story takes a tragic turn due to Zheng and Wei’s disbelief in the prophecy, leading to Ren’s demise. The entire plot is filled with twists and turns, and aside from a somewhat distasteful segment where Ren repays Wei Yin through acquiring other beautiful women, I found the rest of it quite engaging.

This novel somewhat resembles the originator of fox woman stories, “ushering in an era that endows fox spirits with beautiful images“. Moreover, when Wei mentions other beautiful women to Ren, she claims they are her relatives (meaning other foxes), creating a world that envisions the coexistence of fox women and humans (although it seems there are no fox men).

Ancient fox women indeed had a tough time due to their racial identity, relegating them to the lowest social strata, living in dilapidated houses, and relying on illusions to appear as regular homes. When a commoner like Zheng Liu expresses affection for Ren and becomes infatuated with her, she is determined to repay his kindness. If this were a contemporary love story between a beauty queen-level minority and an ordinary white person from a big rural village, I can’t even imagine. While it’s crucial not to assess anyone’s value using any criteria, I can’t help but wonder how many would express dissatisfaction online about Ren’s choice of a partner, deeming it unworthy. Considering the circumstances, it adds another layer of complexity to the situation.

The author indicates that Zheng Liu, being a rustic fellow, couldn’t comprehend the subtleties of Ren’s inner world and failed to record anything about her, silently lamenting the waste of Ren’s attachment to Zheng Liu. It is ridiculous. This bias is evident, as the author wishes for a literati politician to win Ren’s heart, believing that only then could her story be properly documented and her reputation restored.

However, can a literati politician be more devoted to Ren than Zheng Liu? Why doesn’t he consider what Ren truly desires? Oh, because in ancient times, a woman’s thoughts were deemed unimportant, and her compatibility with her ideal lover was judged by literati and scholars. In conclusion, this evaluation is quite laughable.

The upcoming volumes will be divided into separate articles by volume. Stay tuned for more.

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伤痛治疗系列 | 懒散打工人的腰背修复

The English translation is assisted by chatGPT. Please scroll down to the very end of this article to view the English version. 

文章最后会有英文版,中文阅读者可以直接跳过。

Disclaimer: 我不是专业的医学从业者,这一系列伤痛治疗系列文章也并不是任何的医学建议,但我会致力于认真记录,只写自己验证过的信息,也欢迎大家友好讨论交流。

注:部分产品链接是affiliate program,点击购买不会影响价格,但会帮助我挣得几毛钱佣金。*所有过往产品推荐在这个数据库

中文版

症状开始

首先简单说一下我个人的情况。

我身高很高,身体吸收能力不佳,新陈代谢速度飞快,因此缺乏肌肉,摇摇晃晃,体型形若竹竿,从人体结构上而言可谓天生非常脆弱。加上我是典型的中国读书人,并且是书呆子,不爱运动,闲暇的时间非常静止,从小就喜欢窝在家里各个地方看书,因此加剧了我的身体问题。

从中国赴美读研,毕业后如计划参加工作。办公室有升降桌,但我从来仗着年轻,对站着工作嗤之以鼻,经常坐着不动。六点下班到家以后也经常坐着网上冲浪,歪七扭八地躺在沙发上看电视、看小说,双休日有时也是在房子里窝上个一天,继续过着颓废且静止的生活。刚工作时,我还跟着周围的工友薅过公司15分钟椅子按摩的羊毛,也花过$80+体会过中国阿姨的全身大力推拿(带耳道边燃烧火柴香氛的那种),体验都是:当时一时爽,事后无感觉。

工作三年后,不知道是哪里网上冲浪来的死亡灵感,我突然决定锻炼身体。其中第一步即是报名健身房,从健身开始。当时我将健身计划制定为一周三次,每次先跟着Keep app练无氧,主要是一些身体自重运动比如深蹲等;再练有氧,也就是游泳池蛙泳半小时。

如此一二个月之后,有一天我突然左腿麻痹,弯曲时疼痛,导致行走困难。我无奈只得停了健身房的锻炼,啊一大笔钱浪费了。

同时我在业余时间继续坐着、躺着,进行着无尽的网络搜索,自我初步断定是坐骨神经痛。通过网络资源,我尝试做臀桥和小燕飞,简直是地狱尝试,我左腿更痛了,只得放弃了。后来才知道腰痛患者刚开始并不推荐做这些动作。恢复之后不再有症状时可以做,但需要在专业人士的指导下,固定脊柱,用正确的部分发力。甚至很多网络博主录制的带练没有提到任何细节,很容易越做越废!

当时已经做好了一辈子左腿残废的准备,也没有太多担心,因为无非是回归书呆子生活,左腿在这样的生活里也不太有用。但最后决定还是去找医生看一下,万一能治好呢。

第一次门诊

时间:2018年底

地点:美国

趁着每年体检,我向我的主治医生提出了左腿麻痹的问题。医生经过检查后认为是我腿部韧带太紧,但因为我看着很精神,不威胁生命,因此不觉得是大事。总的来说,在美国,只要病人没有生命威胁,体检时有些血液指标偏差或者身体不适在他们看来都是小事。如果病人不坚定地要求继续检查,有时这样的松散往往会放任小病发展成大病。

美国医生为我随便打印了几份网上扒下来的指南,让我练习我从小体育考试就不及格的坐位体前屈和站姿拉伸,来拉伸我的大腿后肌(Hamstring)。并在我的坚持下,为我写了寻找理疗师的医嘱。毕竟有了医嘱才能用医保付理疗的费用,否则就得全部自付了。

我回家练习了几次,就因为左腿过痛而放弃。也是后来才知道,通过坐位体前屈或者站姿拉伸,对普通人来说是两种极为容易伤害到脊椎的拉伸方式。

但是拿着医生的医嘱,我顺利从抠门的公司那里要到了一个升降桌,并且认真开启了坐半小时,站十分钟的习惯。

药到病除 | 第一系列治疗

时间:2018年底 – 2019年初,历时2个月

地点:美国

次数:1次30分钟咨询,4次45分钟治疗

之前我对理疗的了解来自于喜欢网上冲浪的爸爸,这是一种通过锻炼手段进行疼痛治疗的手段。在我还在纽约的那些日子,我仗着自己的医保还算可以(看一次付copay $50),曾经听他的建议去进行过理疗,企图治疗我十几年驼背的问题。理疗师当时给了我一些动作都很有效,可惜我年少无知,年轻时身体又没有病痛,并没有按照嘱咐的次数来锻炼,而是选择继续瘫倒在家。再加上治疗费用虽然用上医保划算,但也不便宜。因此也就没有再去。

如今我付出了代价……换工作以后我的医保没有那么划算了,我用的是high deductible的医保,每年要交够$1500+才能享受优惠,因此除了第一次咨询理疗诊所优惠免费,后来每次去看都是原价,除了copay $50以外,我还要额外交$200-$350. 每次需要请假理疗,外加事后收到账单时,我都十分肉痛,辛辛苦苦打工来的钱几乎都交给了理疗,若是能好好学习知识,再锻炼身体,也就不必如此大出血了。真是悔不当初。

当时我仍然是卑微的打工人,于是选了一家离公司走路8分钟的理疗诊所,5次咨询和治疗都约在下午吃完饭工作最难熬的2pm – 4pm之间溜出去理疗。

理疗师是由诊所推荐的,是一位富有经验且性格温和的白人阿姨。我的第一次咨询约在2018年底,30分钟的时间,我快速地跟她说了我短暂而绚烂的健身作死之旅。之后她对我的腿做了各种掰扯,然后还看了我手机上我做的一些Keep上的动作。

我现在都记得她当时十分平静地对我的情况下结论:

“应该是你核心的力量太弱了,你的左腿麻木,根源是在腰背这里,因为椎间盘碰到了腿部神经。从椎间盘到腿部的任意一个部分,都有可能产生疼痛。这个app上的动作对现在的你来说太难了,我们慢慢来,先从加强骨盆周围的肌肉做起吧。”

“另外,你的骨盆有些前倾,不过这不是什么罕见的问题,几乎大部分女性,由于先天的构造,子宫的位置,骨盆都会比男性更容易前倾。”这是我第一次听说原来生为女性还有这样的缺陷。

这次时间比较短来不及教了,她请了另一位治疗师用电磁脉冲仪为我舒缓一下附近的神经。至于电磁脉冲仪,他们告诉我Aliexpress上有卖(我很震惊,白人怎么会知道这个网站),很便宜,但后果自负呢。他们这个仪器也就是在我腰上贴上两片小贴片,像测量心电彩超那样,不断地有一些脉冲来舒缓我的肌肉。我是没任何感觉的。

之后我就出去旅游了,旅游期间我确实体会到了残疾的感受,症状愈发不可轻视,让我有些惊慌。于是回来之后在新年伊始立即开始治疗。

每次见面时,她会重新评估我的情况,询问我做上套动作的反馈,再和我一起做2~3个动作,并确保我动作和肌肉运用正确,再结束治疗。当然我后来发现像我这种身体迟钝的人,动作还是很容易做错的。理疗师告诉我,以下任何动作如果产生疼痛,就立即停下,重新审视自己的肌肉,运动相关部分,再重新开始。

理疗动作就像所有健身动作一样,慢慢摸索,充分理解。练习时慢而精。

第一套动作 The First Sets of Exercise

力量 Strength

Pelvic Tilt Backwards – 因为我是骨盆前倾,所以仅需做backwards tilt. 重点是运用包裹着骨盆的一圈肌肉。1组10次。

Spine March – 手摸着核心附近肌肉,抬腿时核心应该收紧,并不能晃动。1组10次。这个动作看似什么都没做,但真的很神奇,偶尔腰痛时躺下“走一走”就可以舒缓。原理嘛下面有写。

Clam Shell – 我做的是level 1. 这个动作十分容易做错。现在我做了几千遍了还是有做错的时候。需要核心不动,靠臀肌。每边10次。

活动性 Mobility

Hamstring Stretch – 躺着用弹力带拉伸,抬腿时核心不动。每边30秒,拉伸1~2组。

这套动作非常简单,只有四个,只需要用到枕头和瑜伽垫。我甚至是每天睡觉前在床上做的,如果需要瑜伽垫推荐,我会推荐这个友邻推荐我的Amazon Basics物廉价美款,厚度正好适合我这种没肌肉的瘦子。每天做一次,花不到10分钟吧。如果有时间,我就会做上更多组。

最后非常神奇,我的左腿渐渐变好了,不再麻木。因为我学会了将这些肌肉运用到日常站姿中,也没有再出现左腿麻木的情形了。囊中羞涩的我在最后一次治疗中提出想结束治疗,理疗师也表示理解,并很高兴我的左腿没有再出问题。

第二次门诊

时间:2019年春

地点:中国

同年结束了理疗之后,我回国了一个月。期间与爸妈聊起来,于是我爸带我去找医生做了检查。医生为男,似乎是同济某个附属医院的。他大概了解了一下,要求我做一个腰背部分的核磁共振,并将结果带去他好详细查看。

核磁共振在国内价虽便宜,但并不好约,到处都要排队至少三个月。我们颇费了一番功夫才约上了这个月的时间。

这是我头一次做核磁共振,躺在一个筒状腔体内,时间还挺长的,白噪音也不小,几乎要睡着。片子当场也就打出来了,放在塑料袋里,第二天带着去见医生。

他指着片子说我有一个先天的小肿瘤在脊柱里,但这个问题不大,看着不像会变大、恶化的样子。主要问题是二节腰椎老化。

当年我还是20+的岁数,医生表示:“这么年轻怎么就老化了,要多动动。我之前看过的一个同济学设计的,伊脖子出问题了,我跟伊说,没办法,你再不舒服的话来找我,我只能给你做手术。脖子也蛮难做的呀,可能就瘫痪了,你说是伐。”

说罢又要求我做站立体前屈,我韧带一如既往地差,他说:“小姑娘这个韧带不应该这么差的,肯定是脊柱神经有问题了。”

我提到是自己锻炼身体受的伤,他很惊讶,评价:“现在的人么锻炼一般是越锻炼越差呀,我告诉你,游泳就是最安全的锻炼了。”说罢,和我爸对了一个中年男子之间的眼神,说:”你说现在的人都瞎锻炼个啥呀,少动,那就是最好的。游泳,那就是最好的。你说是伐?“我爸立即心领神会地接茬:”是是是,医生您说得太对了,你看年轻人都瞎折腾个啥呀,把身体都搞坏了。“他们发出社交性的男子夸张哈哈之后,我爸就带着我撤了。

男人的脸,多变的天。在路上,他变了口气说:“我看你那个美国的理疗师不错的,你看,她也没给你拍什么片,但是诊断得很正确。你现在也没事了,对不对?我看你以后有事就继续找美国医生给你看。你看这中国的医生,还拍了个片子,但讲来讲去也没啥用。还不要锻炼呢,切,我天天练呀,我咋没事。”

回家以后我妈听说此事,非常懊悔她给了我不好的基因,让我脊柱长瘤子(?基因又不是她一个人出的)。并且责怪我:“女的练啥肌肉!”

未雨绸缪 | 第二次见理疗师

时间:2022年春

地点:美国

次数:1次30分钟咨询

时间飞速地过去,因为一些生活上的原因,我又过上了有些静止的生活。除了心血来潮会跟着网友推荐的一些几分钟瑜伽拉伸动一动自己的身体,八段锦偶尔打打,大部分时候我或坐、或站地都蜷缩在桌前。

偶尔我的左腿会有些不灵便,但是通过吃老本——重复一下上文的前二个运动,Pelvic Tilt和Spine March之后,几乎百分百能解决我的不舒服。但我知道我的身体素质仍然没有到达一条安全的健硕基准线,属于在危险的边缘试探。任何想要强化身体的锻炼都必须非常谨慎,它们随时可能压断我脆弱的腰背。

这段时间,我的对象经历了一场堪比剖腹产的大手术。她在家附近的理疗诊所做恢复,觉得有些理疗师还可以。这家诊所也提供免费的咨询。既然如此,那我也去咨询了一次。接待我的是一个亚裔女性理疗师,十分干练,听了我的所有治疗经历,并一顿给我掰扯检查之后说:“一个人的身体正确完成日常活动所需要的二点:灵活性和力量,你呀都是差那么一点。你还年轻,我建议你,现在就来开始一系列理疗,彻底解决你的问题,否则以后解决起来会越来越难。你还有救。回去好好想想。”按理来说这种免费咨询都是不给治疗动作的,但是这位亚裔阿姨善良地给了我一些动作。

第二套动作 The Second Sets of Exercise

力量 Strength

Pelvic Tilt Backwards

7x Week, 3x Day; 3 sets; 10 reps; 2-3 seconds hold;

Clam Shell level 1.

7x Week, 3x Day; 3 sets; 10 reps; 2-3 seconds hold;

活动性 Mobility

Hamstring Stretch

7x Week, 3x Day; 2 sets; 30 seconds hold;

Supine Piriformis Stretch

7x Week, 3x Day; 2 sets; 30 seconds hold;

这套动作与第一套十分类似,其实这四个动作用来治疗急性腰痛似乎绰绰有余。但亚裔理疗师果然对人对己都是高标准,给的理疗动作不难,但都要每天做3次,每次做好几组。别说做理疗了,把我从椅子上弄到地上躺着都不容易,加上我的韧带和一些肌肉本来就因为不良生活习惯压缩过头,拉伸时特别痛苦,又让我一天做那么多次……这个锻炼任务顿时变成一个大石头天天压在我心头,最后就是我什么都没做。

现在我有时间偶尔还是会按此锻炼,并且多样的拉伸对于运动表现也有很大的效果。因此我还是将所有动作都放在这里以供参考。动作次数的话量力而行吧。

这次因为经济原因,虽然理疗师循循善诱,但我最终没有啥动力选择继续治疗。因为我的情形也随着暑假的到来没有进一步恶化。

无疾而终|第二系列治疗

时间:2023年春夏

地点:美国

次数:4次45分钟治疗

2022年的秋天,我开始练剑道,强度在剑道圈只能算是非常轻微的运动。但重复性运动和某一个学期的繁重课业加在一起,共同造成了我的身体再次出现各种问题:腰椎、颈椎、手肘、手指。再加上在西雅图的夏天对象拉着我进行了毫无节制的hiking运动,我的膝盖也出现了小问题。

由于我胆肥了,欲望大了,大到了想在竞技体育的道路上精进,一年之后我再次回到了这个理疗诊所,想要寻求去年的那位亚裔阿姨帮我制定进一步的治疗方案。当时我提出了两个要求:稳固腰椎,解决手肘疼痛。具体的过程我会写在下一篇和尺神经卡压相关的伤痛治疗系列中。但理疗诊所经过一年已经大变样:人员短缺,理疗师资质过浅。由于我自己制定的目标有二个,过于分散,加上我对这次的理疗师产生了信任裂痕,因此这次治疗最后也是无疾而终了。

这系列理疗比较大的收获就是得知了按摩球这个东西,英文名Lacrosse Ball. 在美国任何一家体育用品店大约是4美金左右一个,放在墙上或者地上然后压上去按摩背部的一些激痛点可谓是一级酸爽,比手劲小的按摩师按起来爽多了,还不要钱。

如果有人感兴趣动作,其实都和上面亚裔理疗师给我的动作一样,主要治疗急性腰背疼痛。但要达到腰背的正常水平,这几个动作是远远不够的,需要臀腿和多处腹肌的配合,是一条漫漫长路。

自给自足的自救之旅

对于生活在美国的大众来说,理疗费用是非常高昂的,并不是所有人的医保都可以请得起理疗师,一次45分钟的咨询动辄即200美金往上,也并不是所有理疗师都能符合心意。经历了那最后一次无疾而终的治疗之后,我突然意识到最应该为身体制定治疗方案的永远是我们自己。

中美两国的全科医生由于文化背景不同,因此对于病情的评价和给病人的意见就出现了差异。全科医生和理疗师对人体的看法也差异巨大。另外,从商业角度而言,有时理疗机构也会希望病人能够持续在他们那里治疗,从而收取更多节课的费用。

虽然我们现在能够得到许多专业的意见,但每一方作出的判断和治疗都有着各自的局限性。简单打个比方,就好像我们设计建筑寻求各方意见时,结构工程师、电力工程师和管道工程师都想要建筑形态最符合各自的专业要求。结构工程师想要方方正正,梁柱在力学最合理的位置;电力想要电路走线简短合理、灯具功率合适,不浪费太多能源用于配比电器;管道工程师想要所有需要水的物件比如抽水马桶和水龙头在管道走线最合理的位置。然而设计空间永远是有限的,建筑也需要追求美学而产生浪费,因此设计建筑永远是一门平衡各方的艺术,而平衡各方也要求设计者通过系统性的学习,具备一些基本的知识来与各方讨论。不然碰到相关问题,就永远会是人云亦云。

就像我之前那样,盲目地跟着一些免费的网络建议进行锻炼,导致练到受伤到几乎残疾。就算是花钱买心安来请私教,也需要锻炼者持续的学习,或者至少对自己身体的感知力很强,不然无法感受到自己的身体在错误锻炼动作下发出的信号。

出于同样的原因,我也决定开始学习人体结构相关的知识,来更好地了解自己的身体,衡量并平衡各方给我的意见,做出对我的身体、生活习惯、毅力和性格等最好的锻炼方案。

通过读书和运动,我了解了这些:

  1. 人的脊柱应该长什么样;
  2. 是什么在支撑我们的脊柱;
  3. 随着年龄增长,哪些脊柱问题不可避免;
  4. 为什么理疗师给的这些动作可以缓解腰背疼痛;
  5. 如何找到一个合格的理疗师;
  6. 如何正确地运用身体坐、卧、站、行;
  7. 下蹲起立时如何运用扭矩;
  8. 如何正确地做缓解腰背疼痛的动作;
  9. 如何听从自己身体的声音;

……

如果有人对腰背修复这个部分感兴趣,我会推荐从这本书读起:Younger Next Year Back Book. 中文名:久坐急救运动。以上的这些话题,在这本小书里都能找到方案,可谓是腰背类引路书籍。然而修行靠个人,之后的身体历程,就靠大家自己去摸索了。我仅是一个久病成“医”的小民,在此就不为大家演示嚼烂专业书又胡乱地吐书这个过程了。若不愿花钱购书,图书馆也有借,且借阅者寥寥。

话说回来,读书读多了也容易陷入到“只读不做”的怪圈中去。读身体类书籍时,一定要牢记“知行合一”!这是作为一个资深书呆子的我最后的忠告。

最后

在数字媒体横行的当今社会,每个人的肉身多多少少都出现过一些问题。通过漫长的各种摸索,在各种专业人士的帮助下,在改善我孱弱且扭曲的肉身这件事上,我小有一些成效。

纷纷扰扰的信息流中,我很幸运能找到和利用这些资源。因此想写下这个伤痛治疗系列,帮助那些没有时间或心情来寻求资源,或者对于解决肉身问题一无所知的人。

希望各位能因此系列文章而有所启发,顺利在这纷扰的当下,找到自己的精神和肉身和解的方案。

支持小站

最后我现在还在找北美西雅图的码农工作,如果各位有合适的机会欢迎联系我,感激不尽!

我的赛博要饭渠道如下,如果文章对你有帮助,也欢迎捐款,谢谢!


English Version – Injury Recovery Series – A Guide to Restoring the Lower Back for Office Workers

The English translation is assisted by chatGPT.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, and this series of articles on pain treatment is not intended as medical advice. However, I am committed to diligently documenting information I have verified myself. Friendly discussions and exchanges are welcome.

Note: Some product links are part of affiliate programs. Clicking to purchase won’t affect the price but may earn me a small commission. *All past product recommendations are in this database.

Onset of Symptoms

Let me briefly share my personal situation.

I’m quite tall, with a body that struggles with absorption, boasting a rapid metabolism, resulting in a lack of muscle mass. I’m wobbly and my body can be considered inherently fragile. Being the typical bookworm and a scholar, I’m not fond of exercise, and my leisure time is spent rather sedentary. Since childhood, I’ve enjoyed curling up at home, reading books everywhere, intensifying my physical issues.

After studying in China and pursuing a master’s degree in the US, I joined the workforce after graduation. Although my office had standing desks, I arrogantly dismissed the idea of standing work, often opting to sit still. Even after work, I’d sit surfing the internet till 6pm, sometimes sprawling on the sofa watching TV or reading novels. On weekends, I might spend the whole day inside the house, continuing my inactive lifestyle. Early in my career, I briefly joined my colleagues in the company’s 15-minute chair massages and experienced a robust full-body massage from a Chinese masseuse, complete with burning matches in my ears for aroma. The experience was momentarily enjoyable, but afterward, I felt nothing.

After three years of work, spurred by some online inspiration, I suddenly decided to exercise. The first step was joining a gym and starting with fitness. I set a plan to work out three times a week, starting with anaerobic exercises following the Keep app, mainly bodyweight exercises like squats; then aerobic exercises, a half-hour of breaststroke in the swimming pool.

After a month or two, one day my left leg suddenly went numb, causing pain when bent and making walking difficult. Helpless, I had to halt my gym exercises – a significant amount of money wasted.

Simultaneously, during my free time, I continued sitting and lying down, conducting endless online searches, tentatively self-diagnosing it as sciatica. Through online resources, I attempted hip bridges and lying leg raises – an absolute hellish experience that worsened the pain in my left leg. I had to abandon them. Later, I discovered that these movements are not recommended for lower back pain patients initially. They can be done after symptoms subside, but under the guidance of professionals, ensuring the spine is stabilized, and the right muscles are engaged. Many online workout videos skip these critical details, leading to potential setbacks!

At that point, I had mentally prepared myself for a lifetime of left leg disability, not overly concerned since it would mean returning to the life of a bookworm, and the left leg wouldn’t be too useful in such a lifestyle. But in the end, I decided to consult a doctor, just in case there was a chance for a cure.

First Primary Doctor Care Visit

Date: Late 2018

Location: United States

During my annual check-up at the end of 2018, I brought up the issue of left leg numbness with my primary care doctor. After an examination, the doctor believed it was due to tight ligaments in my legs. However, since I appeared energetic and it didn’t pose a life-threatening threat, it wasn’t considered a major issue. Generally, in the United States, as long as the patient’s life is not in immediate danger, deviations in some blood indicators or discomfort during check-ups are often perceived as minor. If patients don’t insist on further examinations, such lax attitudes can sometimes allow minor issues to develop into major ones.

The doctor casually printed out a few guidelines found online, advising me to practice seated toe touches and standing stretches, exercises I had failed in physical exams since childhood, to stretch my hamstrings. Upon my persistence, the doctor provided me with a referral to find a physical therapist. After all, having a referral is necessary to use insurance for physical therapy expenses; otherwise, I would have to pay for it out of pocket.

I attempted the exercises at home a few times but abandoned them due to severe pain in my left leg. It was later that I learned seated toe touches and standing stretches are two stretching methods that can easily harm the spine for the average person.

However, armed with the doctor’s referral, I successfully obtained a standing desk from my somewhat stingy company and earnestly adopted the habit of sitting for half an hour and standing for ten minutes.

Medication to Cure – First Series of Physical Therapy

Time: Late 2018 – Early 2019, Duration: 2 months

Location: United States

Sessions: 1 initial 30-minute consultation, 4 subsequent 45-minute therapy sessions

My initial understanding of physical therapy came from my dad, an old internet surfer, who considered it a means of pain relief through exercise. During my time in New York, I had once undergone physical therapy based on his advice, attempting to address my posture issues developed over a decade. The therapist had given me some effective exercises, but due to my ignorance and a lack of ailments at the time, I didn’t follow the recommended frequency. I chose to continue lazing around at home. Additionally, while physical therapy was cost-effective with insurance coverage, it wasn’t cheap. So, I didn’t pursue it further.

Now, paying the price for my neglect, my new job had less favorable health insurance. I was on a high deductible plan, requiring me to pay $1500+ annually before enjoying any benefits. Hence, apart from the first consultation offered free under the clinic’s promotion, subsequent visits were charged at the regular rate. In addition to the $50 copay, I had to pay an extra $200-$350 each time. Each therapy session required me to take time off work, and receiving the bill afterward was always a painful experience, as I practically handed over most of my hard-earned money to the therapist. If only I had focused on gaining knowledge and exercising my body earlier, I might not have incurred such heavy expenses. Regrets were abundant.

At that time, still a humble wage earner, I chose a therapy clinic conveniently located an 8-minute walk from the office. I scheduled all five consultations and treatments between 2 pm and 4 pm, the most challenging part of my workday after lunch.

The therapist was recommended by the clinic, a highly experienced and gentle Caucasian woman. My first consultation, at the end of 2018, lasted 30 minutes. I quickly recounted my brief yet intense journey of self-inflicted fitness adventures. She examined various manipulations on my legs and even reviewed some exercises I had done on the Keep app.

I vividly remember her calmly concluding at the time:

“It seems your core strength is weak, causing numbness in your left leg. The origin is in your lower back, where the spinal disc is compressing the leg nerve. Any part from the spinal disc to any part of the leg could be causing the pain. The exercises on this app are too challenging for your current condition. Let’s take it slow, starting with strengthening the muscles around your pelvis.”

“Also, your pelvis is slightly tilted forward. However, it’s not an uncommon issue. Almost all women, due to their inherent structure and the position of the uterus, tend to have a pelvis more prone to tilting forward.” It was the first time I heard that being a woman came with such a flaw.

As time was short during this session, she had another therapist use an electromagnetic pulse device to soothe the nerves around my lower back. Regarding the device, they told me it could be found on Aliexpress (I was surprised a Caucasian person knew about this website), and it’s inexpensive, but use it at your own risk. The device involved attaching two small patches to my lower back, similar to measuring electrocardiograms, providing continuous pulses to relax my muscles. I felt nothing.

Afterward, I went on a trip, during which I truly experienced the feeling of disability. The symptoms became more serious, causing some panic. So, upon returning, I immediately began the therapy at the beginning of the new year.

During each session, she would reassess my condition, ask for feedback on the exercises, and then guide me through 2-3 movements, ensuring my form and muscle usage were correct before concluding the therapy. I later discovered that, being someone with a sluggish body, it was easy to perform the exercises incorrectly. The therapist told me that if any exercise caused pain, I should immediately stop, reevaluate my muscles and related movements, and then restart.

Physical therapy exercises are like any other fitness routine – they require slow exploration and thorough understanding. Practice slowly and precisely.

My movements involved –

  1. Pelvic Tilt Backwards; 7x day, 1 set, 10 reps;
  2. Spine March; 7x day, 1 set, 10 reps;
  3. Clam Shell; 7x day, 1 set, 10 reps;
  4. Hamstring Stretch; 7x day, 1 set, 30 seconds hold;

This set of exercises is very simple, consisting of only four movements, and requires just a pillow and a yoga mat. I even do them before bed on my mattress. For those in need of a yoga mat, I recommend the Amazon Basics mat that a friend suggested to me – it’s affordable and of good quality, with a thickness that suits someone like me, a muscle-lacking, slender individual. I do these exercises once a day, taking less than 10 minutes. If time allows, I may do additional sets.

Surprisingly, my left leg gradually improved, and the numbness disappeared. I learned to incorporate these muscles into my daily standing posture, and the numbness in my left leg never returned. Being budget-conscious, I expressed my desire to end the therapy during the last session, and the therapist understood, happy to see that my left leg was trouble-free.

Second Primary Doctor Care Visit

Year: Spring 2019

Location: China

After completing the physical therapy sessions, I returned to China for a month. During my stay, my parents and I discussed my situation, prompting my father to take me to see a doctor for an examination. The doctor, a male specialist affiliated with a hospital, requested a lumbar MRI after a brief understanding of my condition. The MRI results were to be brought to him for a detailed review.

Although MRIs in China are relatively inexpensive, getting an appointment is challenging, often requiring a wait of at least three months. We put in considerable effort to secure an appointment within a month.

It was my first experience with an MRI, lying in a cylindrical chamber for a rather long period with significant white noise, nearly lulling me to sleep. The images were promptly produced and placed in a plastic bag for me to take to the doctor the next day.

Pointing at the images, the doctor explained that I had a congenital small tumor in my spine, but it wasn’t a significant concern as it didn’t appear likely to grow or deteriorate. The main issue was the aging of the L2 vertebrae. At my age, the doctor expressed surprise at the degeneration, suggesting I should stay active: “You’re so young; how did you age so quickly? You need to move more. I have known a student from Tongji University who had a neck problem. I told him, if you’re still uncomfortable, come to me, and I’ll have to perform surgery. Neck surgeries are quite challenging; you might end up paralyzed.”

Afterward, he asked me to perform a standing forward bend, noting my poor flexibility, and remarked, “Young lady, your hamstrings shouldn’t be this poor. There must be an issue with your spinal nerves.”

I mentioned that the injuries were from my exercise routine, which surprised him. He commented, “People nowadays usually worsen their bodies with more exercise. Let me tell you, swimming is the safest exercise. Nowadays, people exercise blindly. Less movement is better. Swimming, that’s the best. What do you think?” He exchanged a knowing look with my father, saying, “People nowadays exercise randomly; just move less, and that’s the best. Swimming, that’s the best. Don’t you agree?” My father quickly nodded in agreement, “Yes, yes, Doctor, you’re absolutely right. Look at those young people, exercising for no reason, damaging their bodies.” After some exaggerated laughs, my father and I left.

Men’s expressions can be quite changeable. On the way home, my father changed his tone, “That American physical therapist you saw seems good. Look, she didn’t even take any X-rays, but her diagnosis was accurate. You’re fine now, right? If anything happens, continue seeing American doctors. Look at Chinese doctors; they took some X-rays, but all that talk doesn’t seem very useful. They even advise against exercise. Ridiculous. I exercise every day; why don’t I have any issues?”

Upon hearing this, my mother felt regretful, blaming herself for passing on unfavorable genes (Well, she’s not the only one who passed the genes on me, was she?) and scolding me, “Women are not suppose to do heavy exercises!”

Being Prepared – Second Session with A Physical Therapist

Year: Spring 2022

Location: United States

Sessions: 1 consultation, 30 minutes

Time passed swiftly, and due to various life reasons, I found myself leading a somewhat sedentary lifestyle once again. Occasionally, I followed some recommended yoga stretches or practiced Ba Duan Jin (Eight Pieces of Brocade) when inspired by online suggestions. Most of the time, I curled up at my desk, either sitting or standing.

Occasionally, my left leg would feel a bit awkward, but by revisiting the first two movements mentioned earlier, Pelvic Tilt and Spine March, I could almost always alleviate my discomfort. However, I knew my physical condition had not reached a safe and robust baseline. Engaging in any exercise to strengthen my body required extreme caution, as it could easily strain my fragile lower back.

During this period, my partner underwent major surgery, akin to a cesarean section. She attended physical therapy for recovery at a nearby clinic and found some therapists there to be quite competent. Since the clinic offered free consultations, I decided to schedule one as well. I was greeted by an efficient Asian female physical therapist who listened to all my treatment experiences. After a thorough examination, she said, “For a person’s body to correctly perform daily activities, two things are needed: flexibility and strength. You lack a bit of both. Since you’re still young, I suggest you start a series of physical therapy now to thoroughly address your issues. Otherwise, it will become increasingly challenging to resolve them in the future. There’s hope for you. Think about it seriously.” Normally, free consultations don’t include treatment movements, but this kind Asian therapist kindly gave me some exercises to do at home.

My movements involved –

  1. Pelvic Tilt Backwards; 7x Week, 3x Day; 3 sets; 10 reps; 2-3 seconds hold;
  2. Clam Shell; 7x Week, 3x Day; 3 sets; 10 reps; 2-3 seconds hold;
  3. Hamstring Stretch; 7x Week, 3x Day; 2 sets; 30 seconds hold;
  4. Supine Piriformis Stretch; 7x Week, 3x Day; 2 sets; 30 seconds hold;

These exercises are quite similar to the first set, and in fact, these four movements seem more than sufficient for treating acute lower back pain. However, the Asian physical therapist had high standards for herself and her patients. The prescribed exercises weren’t overly difficult, but she recommended doing them three times a day, with several sets each time. It’s worth mentioning that getting myself from a chair to the floor is not an easy task. Coupled with the fact that my ligaments and certain muscles were already compressed due to poor lifestyle habits, the stretching was particularly painful. The therapist’s recommendation of doing these exercises multiple times a day turned this workout routine into a heavy burden on my shoulders, and in the end, I didn’t follow through with it.

Now, I occasionally find time to do these exercises, and the diverse stretching routine has significantly improved my overall mobility and athletic performance. I’ve included all the movements here for reference. Adjust the frequency based on your own capabilities.

This time, due to economic reasons, despite the therapist’s gentle encouragement, I didn’t find the motivation to continue with the treatment. Fortunately, my condition didn’t worsen further with the arrival of summer vacation.

End without a Cure – Second Series of Physical Therapy

Time: Spring-Summer 2023

Location: United States

Sessions: 4 sessions of 45 minutes each

In the fall of 2022, I began practicing Kendo, a relatively mild physical activity in the martial arts community. However, the repetitive nature of the movements, combined with a demanding academic semester, led to various issues in my body: lumbar spine, cervical spine, elbows, and fingers. Additionally, a summer of unbridled hiking in Seattle with my partner resulted in minor knee problems.

Desiring improvement on the path of competitive sports, I returned to the physical therapy clinic a year later to seek further treatment from the same Asian therapist. I had two specific requests: stabilize the lumbar spine and address elbow pain. The details of this process will be covered in the upcoming series related to the treatment of pain associated with the ulnar nerve compression. However, the physical therapy clinic had changed significantly over the year: staff shortages and therapists with insufficient qualifications. Due to my two scattered goals and a trust crack in the therapist, this series of treatments also ended without a cure.

The major takeaway from this series was the discovery of the massage ball, known as a Lacrosse Ball. It costs around $4 in any sports goods store in the United States. Placing it against the wall or on the floor and applying pressure to massage specific tender points on the back is incredibly satisfying. It’s more enjoyable than being massaged by a massage therapist, and it’s cost-effective.

If anyone is interested in the exercises, they are essentially the same as those given by the Asian therapist mentioned earlier, primarily focusing on treating acute lower back pain. However, to achieve a normal level in the lumbar region, these exercises are far from sufficient and require the coordination of glutes, legs, and multiple abdominal muscles. It’s indeed a long road.

A Self-reliant Journey of Self-help

For the general public living in the United States, physical therapy costs are very high, and not everyone can afford to hire a physical therapist. A single 45-minute consultation can cost $200 or more, and not all physical therapists may meet one’s expectations. After the last treatment that ended without a cure, I suddenly realized that we ourselves should always be the ones to formulate a treatment plan for our bodies.

Due to cultural differences, general practitioners in China and the United States have different views on evaluating medical conditions and providing advice to patients. General practitioners and physical therapists also have significant differences in their views on the human body. Furthermore, from a business perspective, sometimes physical therapy institutions may hope that patients can continue treatment with them to generate more income.

Although we now have access to many professional opinions, each party’s judgment and treatment have their limitations. To draw a simple analogy, seeking opinions on designing a building is like consulting various professionals. Structural engineers, electrical engineers, and plumbing engineers all want the building’s form to meet their professional requirements. The structural engineer wants it to be square and have beams and columns in the most mechanically reasonable positions; the electrician wants the circuit wiring to be short and reasonable, with appropriate lighting power to avoid wasting too much energy on matching electrical appliances; the plumbing engineer wants all water-requiring items such as flushing toilets and faucets to be in the most reasonable position for the pipeline. However, design space is always limited, and buildings also need to pursue aesthetics, resulting in some waste. Designing a building is always an art of balancing various factors, and this requires designers to learn systematically and have some basic knowledge to discuss with various parties. Otherwise, you will always follow the crowd without having your own judgement.

Like what I did before, blindly following some free online advice for exercise, leading to injuries and almost disability. Even if you spend money to hire a personal trainer, the exerciser needs to continue learning or at least have a strong sense of body perception to feel the signals sent by the body during incorrect exercise movements.

For the same reasons, I decided to start learning about human anatomy to better understand my own body, weigh and balance the advice given by various parties, and create the best exercise plan for my body, lifestyle, perseverance, and personality.

Through reading and exercise, I learned about:

  • What the human spine should look like.
  • What supports our spine.
  • Which spine problems are inevitable with age.
  • Why the exercises given by physical therapists can relieve lower back pain.
  • How to find a qualified physical therapist.
  • How to properly use the body to sit, lie down, stand, and walk.
  • How to use torque when squatting and standing up.
  • How to correctly perform exercises to relieve lower back pain.
  • How to listen to the voice of your body

……

If anyone is interested in lower back rehabilitation, I recommend starting with the book “Younger Next Year Back Book” All of the above topics can be found in this book, making it a guiding book for lower back issues. However, the practice relies on individuals, and the subsequent journey of the body is up to everyone to explore. I am just a person who has become a “doctor” due to a long illness and will not demonstrate the process of chewing professional books and casually spitting out books for everyone. If you are not willing to spend money on buying books, you can borrow them from the library, and very few people are borrowing them right now.

That being said, reading too much can also lead to falling into the strange circle of “reading without doing.” When reading books about the body, always remember “knowledge and action are one”! This is the final advice from me who had a sedentary lifestyle.

Final Reflections

Today’s society is dominated by digital media. Nearly everyone has encountered some physical issues with their own bodies. After an extensive journey of trial and error, coupled with the guidance of various professionals, I’ve achieved modest success in the quest to improve my frail and distorted physical form.

Amidst the overwhelming stream of information, I consider myself fortunate to have discovered and utilized these resources. Thus, I want to pen down this series on pain management, aiming to assist those who may lack the time or inclination to seek out resources or are simply unaware of how to address bodily issues.

I hope this series of articles serves as inspiration, guiding you to seamlessly navigate the chaotic present and find your own solutions for the reconciliation of your mind and body.

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临近新年焕然一新的桌面布置 New Desk Setup

这几周因为学习过于痛苦,所以业余时间做了一些令我自己舒适的桌面小改造,如今颇有成效,可以拿出来亮亮了。

注:部分产品链接是affiliate program,点击购买不会影响价格,但会帮助我挣得几毛钱佣金。所有过往产品推荐在这个数据库里。

首先上图:

desktop setup overview

因为常年租房搬家不便,加上学习的房间不大,因此桌面尺寸也不大。好在左边有窗台可以利用,增加了一些可以摆放小物件和植物的地方;中间有键盘托,可以放键盘鼠标等小物品,而右边因为利用了一个楼下捡来的免费抽屉,也多了一片空间可以放一些当代人的low maintenance emotional support plushies.

我的这套桌面布置的初衷就是希望尽力在小空间内获得更大的桌面自由,并同时能装饰一些暖心的生活气息。希望能给同样空间并不富裕的朋友们带来一些启发。

手动升降桌

这是宜家基本款手动升降桌。我和对象一直都对电动升降桌抱有疑虑,毕竟电动升降桌靠马达,而马达的质量又参差不齐,若是要买个靠谱的电动升降桌,那钱包一定会大出血。

普通家庭(贫穷家庭)退一步,二手入了手动升降桌。桌面大小不算富裕,甚至当年是放在compact车里带回家的,但比同等价位的电动升降桌要大不少。

使用下来确实手摇会导致我站和坐的切换不是很频繁,可能最大的好处还是在于可以灵活调整站和坐的桌面高度,毕竟成年人也会因为好好锻炼、好好吃饭而长身体嘛。

工作时最重要的是但牢记“你最佳的姿势就是下一个姿势”的原则,不管是站着还是坐着,身体僵硬了就要多起来走动,这个桌子给我的功能也十分够用了。

显示器支架

显示器这些支架类的物品,从性价比来说,我还是比较推荐VIVO这个牌子,听说HUANUO也还行,其他亚麻上的品牌就鱼龙混杂了,大家可以自己比较一下。

亚麻链接在此。这款支架最初设计是一边放笔记本,一边放显示器,这样两块屏幕可以在同一实现高度。因为托我们家捡垃圾运不错的福,我免费用上了两块屏幕(谢谢上苍、谢谢对象!),因此我就将笔记本支架拆掉一部分稍作改造,变成了可以架两块显示器的支架。

支架有一些缺点:大大小小的零件很多,很容易丢失。因为我拆掉过其中一个支架,再装回来的时候因为不小心,某一个垫片就不见了,只能拿纸巾作垫片增加厚度和摩擦力。另一个缺点是走线比较暴露。第三个就是拆装支架一个人会比较吃力,最好有另一个人帮忙(给对象跪下!)。

优点而言:支架非常稳固。虽然零部件很容易丢失,但去homedepot也不难配(毕竟纸巾也可以),还可能会收获在家里折腾房子一辈子的美国爷爷的鼓励。此外非常不占地方,做到了几乎平面的承重。我们后来入的一个HUANUO二手支架虽然安装简易、支撑性强、线路收纳也好一丢丢,但是也比较占地方,不能做到这样平整地排列显示器。

平时使用的时候我会把左边的屏幕折过来,不过据理疗师推荐,更好的做法是两块屏幕平行,人在两边移动,以免颈部长期对着一侧产生肌肉不平衡。不用说,这款支架完美做到这一点。

另外竖屏看文档、代码和看网络小说(汗)确实很舒适,但是最近才发现分享屏幕的话对方会默认看到有如手机屏幕一般小的分享画面(似乎这些会议对于竖屏都没什么支持),所以为了他人考虑在Zoom会议时还是分享正常的横屏吧……

键盘托

我去年买了一个白色的键盘托,亚麻链接在此。这款不需要在桌面打孔那么费劲,可以帮助调整我做到视线在屏幕正中间,而打字的手肘角度大于90度这种对上身压力比较小的姿势;还可以放一些需要用到的小东西比如airpods耳机等,所以用着很不错。

上周安利给了对象,也完美解决了她的工作姿势问题,因此对象豪气地给我买了一个新款的原木色(谢谢对象!)。

和旧款相比,新款的安装简单了很多,而且是一整块板而不是二块木板拼起来,更加美观了。唯一有些问题的是这次的滑轨有些卡顿,不过小小的瑕疵并不影响它带来的赏心悦目。

桌面灯

二手入的桌面灯使用起来特别方便。首先当然是不占地方,不需要打孔可以固定在桌面上。其次可以折叠伸展,不管是看屏幕打光,或者是桌面写写画画的打光,都能轻松做到。还有白光和黄光两种,亮度也可以调节。

发现新版更高级了,多加了一块发光灯,链接在此。类似产品都差不多,大同小异。

缺点是晚上会觉得不够亮,看屏幕的话没有那种挂在屏幕上的灯那么打光均匀。当然美国西北的冬天还是乖乖多开点灯吧,就连上班刷题都还会想要为了明天的光而活下去哦。

笔记本电脑收纳

老笔记本是Windows系统,老当益壮,八九年了仍然性能很好,只是去年开始网卡和风扇出了些问题(最近又好了呃),所以只能忍痛购入新爱Macbook。但由于我还有很多照片和资料在老机上,所以也想时不时使用一下。桌面本就不大,摊两个笔记本太浪费地方了,而换来换去又很麻烦,于是想到用这种笔记本竖直支架把两个笔记本同时收纳起来。这样如果需要一个屏幕连接老机,一个屏幕连接新机时都也可以轻松做到。

这类产品网上很多,缺点就是都很丑,木制还可以但都看着很笨重。我和对象还是有点倔强的审美底线,所以迟迟不想入手。后来看到了友邻Simon的帖子发现了这款小山形状的支架,形若苏州园林小山水,十分可人,也正好和我的键盘原木色形成搭配,在对象的鼓励下立刻入手。

亚麻上其实都是同一个国内货源,我挑了一个最便宜的,链接在此,总之别挑某个在美国贴了牌的产品,标签字体在底座上真是丑到难以忍受。

难得的是这款支架底部有螺丝,并附送螺丝刀可以调节宽度。这点已经超过大部分的木制竖直支架。之前担心会不稳,但试着用了一下发现交错的高山能很好地固定两个大笔记本,于是就留下了。我把这个小山摆放在靠墙的位置,这样如果万一有些不小心的磕碰,笔记本还不至于摔下来。

laptop vertical holder mountain wood

可可爱爱的小支架。左边是友邻时计和对象送的红字,喜气洋洋!

kamisama

这个小支架还有一点可爱的是我发现前面多出来的部分还可以放些小摆件,比如御守!虽然这样有点看不见山川形状了,但也十分相配!

kamisama

御守是今年新年的时候去西雅图的高野山寺庙参加烧火仪式请来的,至今仍有淡淡的烟熏味。御守真的很灵,已经记不清今年有多少次冥冥之中受到了不动明王的护佑了,如果你也有灵性,想让人间更美好的话记得今年也去请一个,我明年也是一定会去的!

具体的参拜体验可以看对象的这篇博客哟。

laptop vertical holder mountain wood

愿挂守是今年在椿大神社请的,椿大神社在那一天正式关闭,从美国西雅图搬到了加拿大温哥华。啊神明一路走好。我也希望能够毕业了找到工作,带着愿挂守去温哥华还愿呢……如果你有缘份看到这里,并且恰好是美国程序员,请帮我refer一下吧,感谢!

线路管理

我对线路管理方案并不是很满意。我多年前在Container Store买了一个放插线板的支架可以挂在桌面下方,这样打扫地面比较方便。但是容量很小,我放了一个长长的四个排插的插线板就已经到了极限,所以不是很推荐。

最近我看到了一些可以通过免打孔方式用螺丝固定在桌面下的排插收纳,似乎看着不错,如果需要可以买来试试。

其他

介绍一些其他的零散物品。

播客话筒支架……我的播客因为大家忙于生活而陷入停滞,因此有些惆怅呢,不知何时才会重新启动,希望最近节假日休息了对象有空可以和我录一期。另外如果录制播客,我也不喜欢坐在桌前几十分钟这样的录制方式。如果有能夹着走并且音质、降噪比较好且性价比高的麦克风,在重启播客的时候我一定会试一试。

左边放了kindle和草稿本等一些会偶尔需要的物品,也不占工作区域。竖直的屏幕后还藏了一个笔筒。

窗台上的佛手是著名的宜家手摆件,本是用来放大耳机,但近年来觉得脖子很累不喜欢大耳机,于是被我们拗成佛手的样子了。佛手上戴了一串红绳和折纸的富士山,可可爱爱又有灵性(默默双手合十)。

戴帽子的柴犬和柴犬达摩都是心灵手巧的对象送的!用Daiso买的几块钱小架子架起来了,下面有需求的话还可以放一些别的小摆件。这一排小可爱都在为我的生活好好加油!

全家福

最后来一张全家福吧,来大家一起,一、二、三……茄子!

技术背后的人与情感 —— 读金草叶《如果我们无法以光速前进》

评分:5 / 5

提示:有关键情节剧透,请有兴趣的朋友们读完了书再来一起讨论。

2023年初,有象友推荐了这本韩国90后女性科幻作家的小说集《如果我们无法以光速前进》,抱着试一试的心态去图书馆拼音搜索,很意外竟然找到了。于是我从图书馆借到了这本崭新得不得了的小说集,一看是三月中刚收录的,真是缘分!还是台版的,虽然竖版看着累,但应该没那么多删减,爱公共图书馆!

拿到手的当天就迫不及待看完了第一篇《为什么朝圣者去而不返》,感觉和大部分的技术科幻小说不同。这篇提到了一个星球即使是拥有了高速发展的技术,也并不能保证社会中的成员会过得幸福。而有趣的是,有时候人也会主动选择痛苦,而不是温室中的快乐。读着这篇让我想到很多:关于成年,关于成长,关于移民,关于经历,关于体验,当然还有关于痛苦和快乐。

我觉得这位93年出生的作者是有才华的,也是懂这个世界和人生的。之前象友的推荐中提到,若是喜欢特德姜,那不妨也试试阅读这本书。但我认为金草叶和特德姜不一样,特德姜的文字有分析感和宗教性,仿佛以一种过来人的姿态娓娓道来,并在叙述中告诉读者他的看法和观点。而金草叶的文字更富有感情、更细腻,相比特德姜,她更多的是描述个人不同的选择,而选择的原因可以是模糊的、迷茫的,以体验而不是追寻答案为目标。

这本书的台湾译者胡椒筒的文字也很有意思,他描述了自己为什么开始翻译韩国的文学:为什么那么多人看韩剧,但没人看韩国小说呢?他在instagram上有一个个人主页,上面发布了自己已经出版的翻译作品,他翻译的很多书我都想看呢。

之后四月我和对象一起第二次去美国的西南旅游。在去的飞机上我看完了第二篇《光谱》。隐隐约约有《你一生的故事》的影子,但是后者讨论的是时空、预知未来和选择;而前者通过一个宇航员落难他乡的故事,想要讨论的是感官的力量。会不会有一个世界,感官可以被记录在画面这样的信息中?我认为写得有点平淡,读起来并不顺畅。

有意思的是,我发现《光谱》也要拍电影了。像《你一生的故事》一样,我认为表达语言学的主题和表达光谱中的感官一样富有挑战,都是一些我们人类生活中抽象,而且很难量化的事物。很好奇最终的效果,我一定会去影院看一看。

翻了翻发现书,最后还有一篇韩国学者写的对本书的文学评论,可以和自己的思考对照,仿佛官方豆瓣书评。很有意思的排版,我也觉得能及时看到别人的解读很有助于我读书当下的思考。

第三篇《共生假设》,和第二篇有点承接的意思。关于其他地球和地外文明共生关系的假设我只在动漫《寄生兽》里看见过讨论了,这里最后的主旨也和《寄生兽》十分相似。前情提要的部分铺设得非常长,看起来有些前后脱节,观感不佳。

发现一些细节:科幻小说里终于出现了韩国名的科学家和宇航员。以前看西方科幻,书里基本都是西方名字;看中国科幻,书里都是中国和西方名字;看这本科幻,书里都是韩国人和西方名字。可见在早东亚人眼里,仍然是要望西方科学的项背。

《如果我们无法以光速前行》是一篇得奖作品。曾经做过科研的作者金草叶描写了人类在技术快速发展的过程中,因为追逐经济效益而产生的种种悲剧……这样的思考令人动容,技术的背后永远是人,更具体一些,技术发展的背后,总有很多人的生活被牺牲,很多人的过去被抛弃。

《情感的物质性》,作者利用了自己的化学背景,想象着把情感实体化了,可以提纯、可以触摸、可以拥有、可以收藏,这种关注人的情感本身的关注点很新奇,也很感谢她能将情绪这个课题写入科幻小说中。这篇文章有点让我困惑的是:这样的情感似乎仍然会依托于其他的人或者事,而不是真正的物质化独立于其他事物。整篇文章读起来仿佛有太多没有自圆其说的部分——期待她之后会如后记中计划的那样,用这个创意写出一部长篇小说。

《馆内遗失》这篇,描述了一个公共图书馆,不同于我们当下的概念,这个公共图书馆中存储着的是每个人的心智。每个人可以通过索引找到故去亲人的心智并和它们产生交流。主人公是一位女性,她发现妈妈的心智索引被删除,遗失在图书馆里无法找到的故事。生前与妈妈仿佛仇人的的女儿,突然在怀孕之际想再见妈妈一面,因此踏上了寻找妈妈索引的故事。

这篇文章我很喜欢,但是也感觉可以有更多的描写和故事发展,现在故事发展提到了母女间复杂的关系,但并没有写完整。如果再拓展一下,甚至可以和《Everything Everywhere All at Once》互文。

《我的宇宙英雄》探讨了被歧视和污名的少数族裔、残疾、女性。这位宇航员由于她的性别和母亲的身份,无论如何优秀都不被社会认可,无论做任何事,永远被大众指指点点。因此她选择了消失。我也不算完全理解了这个很深奥的结尾。不过我想金草叶在这里想讨论的是:技术的发展并不能解决这些人类的问题,顶着这些不切实际的公众期待,做出符合个人意志的选择需要极大的勇气。

读完整本书,金草叶的科幻小说优缺点都非常明显。优点在于我喜欢她在科幻小说中表达的人文关怀。可以说,科幻小说是一个很强力的表达载体。在当前社会中无法解决的社会问题我们会想要视而不见,而当时间轴加速几百、几千年,或是在另一个科技更强大的平行宇宙中,这些社会问题的出现,带上忧伤的经历,使得这些问题更显得振聋发聩。她的想象能力也十分出众,情感的物质化、光谱和情绪,以及心智图书馆等这些想象都让我觉得比写烂了的超光速飞船要有意思得多。

但小说的缺点也很突出:每一篇小说的情节设计都存在一些脱节问题。有的部分读起来有些不知所云、过于飘渺,没有一气呵成的感觉,仿佛是废笔很多似的。比较一下,带着类似关怀的特德姜在每部小说中讨论的话题并不多,但却显得非常完整,情节设计也有起承转合,引人入胜。在一些人物情绪的处理上也非常清晰,没有金草叶这种模棱两可打棉花的感觉。特德姜比较长篇的小说诸如《软体的生命周期》探讨的问题相对复杂一些,情节也十分复杂,但笔力十分精炼,没有金草叶这样在某些地方漫无目的地用笔。

最后谈谈这本书给我的一些思考吧。技术的发展能解决人类社会一直以来的问题吗?在快速发展和目不暇接的技术背后,金草叶向我们展现了这些经常被技术发展所抛弃、牺牲和忽视的人与人之间的关系和感情。

剥离开技术,我们也不过都是有血、有肉、有爱恨痴仇的人类罢了。剥离开外表和居住的星球,所有外星人说不定也不过是有血、有肉、有爱恨痴仇的外星人罢了。

你看见了吗?你听见了吗?你理解了吗?你感同身受吗?

Kendo Practice Notes Season 004 | 剑道笔记 第四季

笔记是倒叙,最新的放在最前面。最近我们道场senior给的评价开始比较多了,也有更多教学反馈,是件好事。我也要慢慢学习多问。

9/25

友邻:men的落点,教了我打小面!

文字:我jigeiko就忘了fumikomi,虽然很痛,但还是要尝试记得!

(后来我周三特意记得了要在keiko时打fumikomi,确实感受不太一样。不过我的fumikomi还是很难复刻当时shinsa前猛练以后的感受,经常不直,应该是没有身体先出的自信,只敢贼兮兮伸脚)

9/22

胡:我的do还是用手臂,应该举起来,直接sayumen一样劈下来。

sensei:footwork时左脚太高了。大概是我改变了右脚姿势的原因,导致重心过前。打算自己在家多练练,再看店长视频感受感受!特写视频里他放的一些kote我打到了,但是小面我就不太自信,很难下定决心打出去。sensei跟我keiko后来也挺轻松了,经常做个很弱的出击动作,我就吓死打过去了……简直是个惊慌的兔子。

老刘:他打到我的原因是我seme时太off-center,此时他可以往下绕过我来打我。

试了几把,感觉很难找到对对方seme力度的掌控,以及如何微妙地break对方的center并keep自己的剑在center.

他又comment:不要随便出击,要感觉到对方力竭再出击。

again,只能尽力去感受。下次倒是可以试试打在小金身上。

五金:打小面手太低。我好困惑,下课友邻给我解惑了,看各种视频都没看出来这点呢,多练习!

余:好哲学啊。他就觉得我还是太犹豫了,准备好了以后的打击怎么可以快速停下来呢,要全力以赴。

这个评价和以往一样呢。我也想看下我不能go through的时候要怎么防卫。感觉经常因为残心问题被小金hiki……

友邻:打小面时身体进入以后手举得不够高。这个补充了五金给我的评价。

结束以后sensei给五金表扬他过了五段,让五金发言,五金说大家要听sensei的话,打出一往无前的剑道!我听到咪咪在旁边嘻嘻笑。

视频里我的剑尖一直在试探别人,似乎比以前动作多了。但是试探还是一种很需要体验和感受的技巧,有时候试探多了自己也就lost了,反而出击犹豫。哎慢慢来吧。

值得一提的是这天练完,我们趁着和友邻交接月饼的机会大讨论五金的教学分解做得很好。此时scott竟然也来了,跟我们分享了很多很多心里话,以及大量夸夸。感觉离他距离更近了。

剑道的人际关系还是很重要的,毕竟是竞技运动,过程中很容易产生一些误会。但是当熟悉这个人并且可以assume good intention之后会让人更愿意参与其中。

9/8

本来今天想玩玩harai kote和harai men,但我waze反被waza误,一打waza我都比原来performance更差了。

练习seme:sensei说,seme是在对手之前seme,strike是在对手strike之后再strike. take center.这是debana吗?太难了。以及我take了center也会被人打捏。

totoro:企图打kote-men,但没打到他剑也没kote,直接被敲men好几下;最后他反向来了一下,说你想打这个waza咩?吐血。

郭:发生了啥?好快像闪电(我的目标?)她的men好强,我一犹豫,就被打了。

scott:不要等,要go in,close distance,越等越成靶子;

余:打我好几次kote,我的小面一定有问题。

小猫:她的乱打kote还是很扰乱我,我还是打不过捏。我一用waza必死。鸡贼放了我一个opening,打了我一个很正的kaeshi do,我的men不够好吧。

总结:waza没练到肌肉记忆还是不能在geiko里用呢……容易越想越错。私下练好再上场吧!周一我偷偷问问totoro该咋办…

结束的时候我说有点沮丧捏,小力王跟我说,想想今天成长了学到东西了,我就开心。嗯,要学会快乐!

8/28

自从周三咪咪在自家道场遭遇意外之后,我们俩一直到周末都在忙着梳理整件事情,也在梳理自己的心情,这里暂且不表了,之后也许会单独写一篇。

昨晚我翻开the inner game of tennis, 啊大呼过瘾。早上也看到了很多有用内容,马上运用在了今天的练习里。很幸运的是,今天的练习就我们五个人和司徒老师,他几乎可以跟我们一对一解决问题。热身到一半,司徒突然想来指导我们的素振,于是给我们分别指导起来。

课后和咪咪讨论了一下,司徒教我的方法只是为了让我明白我的问题,但这个教学不适用于每个人。啊老师还得因材施教,真难呀,但是他在这节课成功了!

手之内

只靠左手下面三根手指,食指和拇指是杠杆支点需要扣紧。挥剑时若是注意到三根手指和剑柄之间的缝隙被迅速收紧,就能更有停顿的力量感。

素振手肘

接着他说我的手肘太紧了。我一直都没有明白这点。于是他给我正面演示了几个动作,我看得似懂非懂,也无法成功模仿。之后他手把手教我,剑推上去之后,先把手肘原封不动放下到正确的位置,然后伸直手臂,同时!不要动手肘。这样看上去我的手肘其实有些打开,看着不是完全往前好像没那么对,但很轻松。

啊此时我恍然大悟,做了几个之后他满意地点点头。问我怎么样。我说我感觉很轻盈,比原来轻盈多啦!之前我素振多了手肘会不舒服,现在我明白啦!再也不是手肘吃力,而是肌肉用力了。而且肩膀也超级轻松,感觉这样我能做一千个都不会累。我带上脚步打了十几个,他可开心了连连说I like that!

多注意自己身体的感受而不是动作的正确相似与否还真的挺有用的。

Harai

友邻说查了他之前教我们的不是Harai,而是osae。他指导totoro的时候恰好说到了小kote,他让我尽量还是打介于大kote和小kote之间的动作。我说不行,这样我总是被人打kote打在拳头上。他看了看觉得是我用了右手,而右手应该是支点,左手去挑动对方。

我靠?!那这样也make sense了,谷村上次也说了我举剑会off-center,可能就是不恰当的用了右手。

而harai-kote的左手竟然是off-center! 后来我们查了HSSK的教学,确实左手是微微off-center的。两个要点:

1)左手微微off-center,右手是支点

2)左手off-center时三个手指再一次和剑一起create一个opening,在两手一拉一推中形成手指之内。

我一直不明白。

于是totoro拉我一起练习,因为他练击剑早就掌握这种技巧,我们从各个方向互相挑动对方剑的时候他突然说:你看你就不能mentally想,你不想的时候你的身体就自己做出了反应来跟我对抗!

恍然大悟!

之后再尝试只要意识介入就出问题,他也是,哈哈哈。

还有一点有意思的是司徒提到真正的太刀是有两边作为格挡的面,是叫yokote吗?总之iaido教很多,这两边是用来挡住别人的。当他从竹剑中段去打开别人的kamae时就是用的这一边,然后平行于对方的剑就能切到小手。此时左手其实有些off center,并不是一个正面切的动作,更像一个sayu-kote,但从剑理上来说又很合理,比绕到中线去切更高效……

从竹刀右边击打也是右手为轴,特别像kote-men,不过打的位置不一样。一个打在竹刀-人,一个打在竹刀-地。

总之很奇怪,我再多多感受。

最后司徒还展示了下suriage和kaeshi啥的其实都是一个意思,不过是打对方竹刀的时机不同而已。我仔细看了kaeshi,确实他的左手位置没有动,应该是以左手为支点打do. 我之前用手臂效率太低了。

这堂课好有意思呀。希望和朋友们能多多玩耍练习这些有意思的东西,让身体学会这些动作。

周三 – in dojo shinsa

虽然很不巧碰到了生理期,磕了很多止疼药,miss了一个kote一个men,但考过啦!

考试会比平时练习差劲很多,回去看了录像,发现自己的手没有做得很好,导致脚落地比手早。很难完美复刻那天我们俩练了4小时以后的感觉,但是平均水平比之前好太多了,也知道自己可以达到的最好水平,就很棒了。

咪咪叫得比平时响多了,她还是很有潜力的。

最后1分钟的geiko她分到了刚上甲的大个子,我分到了友邻的wife. 正好都是我们不怕的人。

感觉现在不怕龙猫兄,也不怕友邻wife了,但是怕大个子,好奇怪。可能因为他打人太痛了,我没法舍身被打也就没法完全用出力气。跟他对抗的估摸距离也比较难,因为我不太擅长打跟我身高差距很大的。下次多琢磨琢磨,可能要从更近的地方harai或者debana主动突破,不能等。我等他也等,而且他不按标准动作来,我更想要动作周全,所以目前他的速度比我更快。

高的矮的我都怕,比如咪咪我也怕,现在能看到她要举剑,但打大的strike没她快。

今天打完in dojo shinsa松了一口气,整个人轻盈了。居然还用大面打到了韩国妹妹和totoro,打了好多个,我也不知道我发生了什么,可能发生了质变吧……但这个状态真是很fluid, 转瞬即逝,这就是beginner,无法完全控制好自己。

周五后来就没去了,这周实在是too much kendo! 手指的伤都更严重了。希望多恢复恢复再备战6级的shinsa!

周日 – 咔咔咔moment – 意识很强大

我感觉自己shinsa正好到生理期,让我有些惆怅。情绪也影响了我,下午和咪咪一起去练习我叭叭叭说了好多,觉得想交朋友,又没找到工作所以没心思找。

说完感觉情绪也影响了她,我可能也没有很有耐心,打着打着她还哭了。

好在后来我们又回复了状态,打了好几个以后,没什么进展,两个人都垂头丧气。于是她坐到了一边,开始看我的动作。

第一个咔moment:她在旁边critique我的动作,说我踏步动作可以,但左脚没帮忙,左脚要伸直。于是我努力让左脚帮上忙。咔,某一个瞬间,我用意识想像自己是跑步之前脚在跑步器上,弹射出去,于是她说我动作对了,我的感觉也很对,左脚也伸得很直。

第二个咔moment:最近fix自己的踏步右脚都是靠意识告诉自己,用膝盖顶出去。但是她指出我的膝盖开始更靠前了。于是我用意识想像自己的膝盖和小腿是一堵墙,我在踏步的时候把这堵墙用左脚弹出去,于是动作就对了。

第三个咔moment:我在critique她的men strike,发现她的seme在我喉咙的时候打出去整体感觉很棒,仿佛看到了人剑合一的咪咪。于是我说要不试试意识在剑尖上?意识告诉自己剑尖向前时,我整个人的下盘特别沉稳(真的诡异,我下盘其实没什么力气的)。我们俩把意识focus在剑尖上,上身也正直了,踏步也有力了,连手之内也变成自动模式,旁观时能明显看到了。用意识在剑尖来打kote-men, kote-men-do这种连续技,都比以前打得好了。就算没有剑像大师兄一样无剑空打,都更像那么回事了。此时不管是jogeburi还是suburi,只要我的意识在剑尖上,我的动作会让我感觉更对。

总之不要看击打部位,意识在剑尖上,眼睛在对手眼睛上。

Do也是一样的,剑尖微微偏向sayumen的地方,落点就一定在do上。就搞笑点说剑尖真的让我人剑合一了,我跟我的剑彻底connect了起来。

文字说的use your body,我们俩都突然领悟了。此时才明白,之前我们的意识都在四处漂泊,我时而在左脚,时而在丹田,时而在左手,总之没有把意识传递到剑尖——剑要去的地方。

好的以下是没有干货的我的体悟之诗:

人真的是神奇的动物,perfect自己的意识,就可以perfect自己的动作;
意识不到位,动作就不对;
其实这些意识的比喻我们在课上不同的老师都说过很多次,但我就是没理解。
意识又很难通过言传身教来传播……这就仿佛一个禅语,老师问了问题,从学生的千奇百怪的回答里就能知道对方有没有领悟,但是这个学生的答案告诉了全世界的人都不一定有什么作用。
漂亮的剑道网上到处都是,但只需要看动作就知道有没有领悟;
领悟要从四面八方approach,照着走别人的路很难到达目的地;
同时要be honest and true to oneself, 承认自己的弱点,再去改善自己的弱点;
此时的我对比过去的我,只是经过了几小时看着没什么用的探索。但过去的我经过了几小时的探索,就能明白现在的我所知道的事情吗?

过去的我加上探索,并不一定导致突然领悟的我;
河流是连续的,河流又是断裂的;
时间是连续的,时间又是断裂的;
因果是相关的,因果又是不相关的;

我以为的习得和成长是线性增长的,付出了多少努力,就能像一元二次方程一样得到成比例的增长。但是这个臆想在此根本毫无逻辑,就是波峰波谷无法描述的非线性,有时候还是断裂的离散状态。

为啥这运动居然让我有好多zen zen的体悟。

打算有空做一个正射必中的头巾底稿。

希望下周考shinsa生理期不会太影响我啊哭……但是不管怎么样都认了。

修行这个路真谈不上开心,甚至好多时候看到自己好多好多弱点和缺点,但还是有很多成长的

周五

切返sayumen退的脚步太大,导致最后一个会站不稳要小碎步调整。

big strike出去上身会像气球人一样晃,先前、再后、再回正。背部没收紧?

经常脚先落地才打到别人,需要左脚更强的launch,右脚强化膝盖出去的记忆。

do被好多人说了没用手腕,用了手臂。要强化。估计也和没熟悉sayumen击打有关?

Sensei突然教了kaishi do. waza突如其来。可以和咪咪多练练。block men的时候只要往前挡就好了,这个和店长教的还有点不一样。

Jigeiko感觉totoro身体不好?我们共同打了挺多men的,有时候他打大面,下次我想问问他是为什么。后来和别人打的几轮我都是脚太快落地了,左脚没有发力。

结束了以后sensei跟大家说回家多练练,跑跑步增加体能,你们会很不一样的。啊好的……

周三 7/26

shinsa practice了终于!继上周五被sensei遛了五分钟(真的要死了)以后他跟我讲了很多basics. 比如穿过对手时要伸直手,转身从上面把手放下来(其实我残心不对sensei可以直接来追打我,不过他还是选择了跟我说……);最后互相行礼时,还说了要向着对手的方向转。

结果今天practice被sensei大声又说了一遍,因为我转身又开始习惯性往同一个方向转。看视频其实他还笑了,还是比较温和的,我又自己吓自己了。

men himo还老是松,今天发现应该反着系,就超级紧啦。最近men也系很慢…

其他感觉都打得可以,就是do不行,没一个打中的,爆炸了,准备和咪咪多练练,并且看看能不能练suri-ashi的do,这样更简单更可控。

geiko打得我莫名其妙…被莫打了个痛死,是我上面以来最痛的一次,差点昏过去。不知道怎么回事…看了录像原来他平平地砸在我头上,整个人也是先落地再打到我,力王了……

然后今天几乎没打到men,包括和咪咪geiko她打得都是大面我都没打到她,why?明天看看视频。

我本来是想和小灵猴一样,能等等对手一起打到对方men,但是我水平没到…能打到不错了。可以最后再让对手表现一下这样?

结束的时候我觉得自己好烂啊,问东问西:怎么才能最后不被打歪剑啊。结果scott突然看着我来了句,你是beginner里打得最好的,我看你最有koike风范,很像之前我们道场里的BJM…他kihon超好,后来都way up there…教导主任在旁边还点点头附和。我第一反应是吓死,然后忍住害怕谢谢了他,妈呀这我哪当得起。他还说咪咪是second best. 他也夸得太狠了,总之希望我俩下周能过!

走的时候咪咪和jany在聊工作,我和totoro丁和qq聊了很多为什么我被打的事情。totoro说别怕被打,做你的动作你就能打中。这是什么“正射必中”的哲学?!

看了录像,好几次ai men我都被对手给推出中线了,我得练练好的seme,是沿着中线的很强的seme.

然后我在近距离不commit,表现在右脚进去了但左脚没进去,一定要有往前冲的气势,或者右脚也不动,两脚之间距离不能太远,要保持好的kamae. 

踏入打面也好多了,但是要更involve左脚,这样打完身体才不会有从前到后的重心变化。

men strike压手腕还不够,打完剑总是指天…也可能是我收了,总之得一直往前。

sayumen慢了就打得不错,快了就开始旋转偷懒。

周三

绕圈一本集,为什么我的defend超级快,出击跟树懒一样啊啊啊啊啊!而且马上进入战斗状态好难啊,总得来几下才能反应起来。

周五

崩溃了,又跟冠军geiko,人家走神这看看那看看也能知道我要过去打了,随便防防,随便放放水我都打不到,好崩溃。

一本集绕圈,和老刘,小猫在一起,妈呀无聊炸了。中间新加坡大哥来了又走了,冠军又来了,好快又被干下来了。

下次我也应该脸皮厚点走到别的圈子,不想在这个其乐融融二代同堂圈打了……他们身上都有一些我不喜欢的气质,仿佛看到自己的批评小人现身。

某个周三

今天没练Junior practice. 现在有热身了!还挺好的。

冠军还来了,跟他pair了kirikaeshi, sayumen速度好快,我快死了…谁能教教我怎么做到那么快,我sayumen打得好累。

接着sensei让我们打了半轮kirikaeshi-3个men-3 kotemen-3 kotemendo-最后半轮kirikaeshi,太复杂了我已经晕掉,全靠欧洲大哥照顾……

之后开始jigeiko,面对totoro,我一个没打中,被打了好几次。kamae松了以后有点摸不清怎么去找opening.

sensei说很多人shiai喜欢用剑往前去试探opening,是个很坏的习惯,新冠新规,算犯规。别这样哦。?那有的前辈经常这样啊?

然后是扫地僧,我好害怕,于是有意识地往前冲,大概有一次有点停被他瞪了。但大家在sensei在的时候都很少说话,他没像上次那样大声骂我…时不时还瞄sensei脸色给我放opening让我打。

小猫哥,脚步那个灵活和碎啊…我完全不知道发生了什么,反正就是被狂打。我好像打中一个kote(还是打歪了?)总之他很疑惑的样子。

到了老刘,好累,他给opening我会反应很慢,我感觉我习惯react别人的动作,不擅长自己创造opening. 然后我打完呆站着的话又会被他全身open乱打,边打边笑……让我击打完也保证残心。

中途我喜欢往右绕圈,men总是打到他右边肩膀去,被sensei说了要直着打,于是强迫自己右脚对准老刘左边出击,好像好一点,能打准了。

新加坡大哥,放了几个opening然后真正jigeiko,我感觉他抬手我能打到几个kote,然后打中一个men,我不知道怎么回事,回去看视频。

欧洲大哥,放了好几个opening给打。说我kote打得不行,没有forward的气势,畏畏缩缩的,但men很好,于是又让我打了几个kote和kotemen. 这个时候我才感觉我的men稍微稳定下来,有上次周三的感觉了……

然后就结束了。最后是给冠军发钱,谢谢他给我们道场去us championship争光。然后说了很久大家都没有礼节,一堆人就坐旁边,不知道来跟sensei们打招呼,今西也很伤心。其次让我们学好基本,说波特兰有个人用上段,他说他基本功都很差劲怎么可以用上段呢?最后你们自己心理上要准备好来练习呀。

最后新加坡大哥仍然来跟我道谢。我也没跟其他人道谢,把剑还给教导主任就跟垂头丧气的咪咪走了。下次再问问其他人有没有什么反馈吧…咪咪跟我说冠军跟他说了kirikaeshi要被taiatari以后再退让她很困惑:因为我们道场就是不用taiatari. 但道场没有统一,有的人会,有的人不会,hmmm.

PNKF Shinsa August 2023

Shinsa(剑道审查)原则上是不能戴任何多余的护具的,所以平时保护后脚跟的护具我也没戴。

热身的时候感觉到自己的踏入有时候对,有时候错。错的感受非常明显,右脚跟剧痛无比,对的感受就是脚一点都不痛,身体也很轻盈。

看来要复刻正确的感觉还是需要时间的,希望能够通过不断练习让这个启动时间缩短吧。也在思考是不是以后除了受伤也试试不戴脚套,这样才能知道自己的感受,但是慢慢来吧,先能没有顾虑地冲出去再说。

总结一下自己shinsa好多的问题,打得状态比in dojo shinsa更差。可能是in dojo shinsa更有战斗状态,而这个很多人都在说你们一定会过。比如扫地僧又突然盯着我,陶醉地说you two were amazing…让我吓了一跳。谢谢他为留住我们这两个中年diversity做出的努力。

Kihon – 基础

  1. Sonkyo起来以后没有向前一步。
  2. 我不知道热身的时候怎么养成了这种seme + 出击在一起的坏习惯。没有take time to assess 距离。strike之前还像小跑出去似的,left foot too front,之前都没这个问题,可能是因为紧张。我想要seme和出击完全分开,出击就是一拍子。
  3. Kirikaeshi 换气出了问题,第一个面之后我应该顿一下,吸一大口气。实际中我没有,我边打边觉得自己要没气了,气合也突然小了八度。
  4. 踏步:踏步反正一直是个问题,我很难在刚开始就复刻哪种正确的感觉。所有kihon里,只有切返的第一个大面我勉强算是蹦出去了,其他我都没跳出去,左脚没劲儿,很拖拉。而且最后一个大面偷步了……
  5. Do:还是太平了……可能又用了右手,没用左手腕。

geiko 稽古

和友邻的wife pair到geiko毫无悬念。但是紧张加上考试前教导主任说要同时打面,别把对手推出中心,导致我更紧张……因为我没到这个和棋的高阶水平。结果就是打得好丑!主要是以下两个问题- 

  1. 往旁边走。周五的时候宫本也和我说了,我打之前习惯往旁边走,暴露给他我的意图。没想到考试还是没能克服这个问题。
  2. 几个大面打得好丑啊!动作超级变形,身体会先向后顿一下,左腿是弯的,仿佛二拍子打击。哭了。友邻的wife身姿很不错,学习。
  3. 圆肩。可能是我一直以来的问题,没有用背部和肩膀的力量,用手臂。难怪我出现手肘和手指的伤。圆肩还导致我整个人身形好丑……如果要优先改一个问题,我选择改这个!而且很奇怪我其他的视频里这个问题没有这么严重,不知道为什么那天身姿那么垮。

下场以后脑子一片空白,然后和大家左看右看。因为kyu level基本都能过,所以其他道场的很多人即使没有练习到半年,也都是从3kyu直接考起。之前看过各种tournament,选手们都至少有些练习时长,水平比较高,动作都比较正常,有些很漂亮。但这是我第一次看到了bar很低的regional kendo show. 身姿太重要了,太多上场的人基本功很差。

我当下决定我一定要打漂亮的剑道。就算会有很长一段时间输给别人,但我也要lose beautifully,不要win ugly and badly. 不能接受自己打得那么丑。多年的设计生涯还是给我设置了一些人生的bar哈。

之后又看了咪咪和大个子打的视频,有点生气,感觉他都是在用剑的中段去砍了,而且总是用右手,左手超级弯。呃,我平时也不喜欢跟他轮到,因为被打太痛了,而且每次都能明显感觉到一丝不理智的直男杀气,让我也很想发火……可能我要好好思考碰到这样初级又注重打到人的力王要怎么应对。因为道场现在的力王至少有三个,一不小心就会被打伤。跟他们geiko的时候我都没法有那种求死的气场,因为太痛了。

kata

看了段位的kata,有两个韩国人打得特别漂亮,我们道场的欧洲大哥也很不错。我认为考二段的kata比考四段的好多了,高出了不止一个等级……也是一种奇怪的现象。

之后懒得看了,友邻的wife贴心地带了零食,我们一起在外面休息,快乐吃零食,聊一些有的没的,很开心,这也是我持续练习的一部分原因。

godogeiko 合同稽古

吃完以后我们回到场上不久,机器人就宣布要开始godogeiko了。大家随便热身了一下我们排排坐好,诺大的体育场有四五个sensei,三四排学生,真是个盛大场面!有点受到感染。大家一起戴面去找sensei们geiko,这时的sensei也很愿意开口说话了!当然我因为没整理好面,戴面太慢只排到两个sensei. 下次我准备研究下机器人的戴面技巧,提前打好结往后一拉!

谷村

评价:我的身体不能有效传递力量,身体往右,剑往左,力量去了不同的地方。不要往左往右,要在一条中线上。

打面不是一(身体下沉)二(举剑)三(出去),是一起together. 这也解释了我之前kihon打击的错误。

这两条意见够我练个三四年了。我最近develop了不良的下沉身体的习惯,可能还是不自信的踏步的一些问题导致的。

磕头的时候谷村又强调了:中线,记得你所有的力都要在线上。之前和欧洲大哥一本胜负的时候他也鼓励说:我整个人很细,很难打,像一根线。

所以我不是一座山,我应该是一根线,一道闪电(十年后吧,hopefully我还健康)。然后又仔细回顾了一下我周三被机器人打的视频,发现他虽然是从边上打,但是整个身体和剑都是连贯的,是一条斜线,不是我这样上下断开的。

今西

评价:我尽力用谷村说的去中线上打击,但今西好像也又一次强调了中线的问题(妈呀我的身体在这种压力面前根本根本不听话,想往旁边跑,我现在都记不得了),不够向前。

然后他开始对着中线跟我ai men检查我的意识,要知道面对着这样看似暴怒的七段打ai men那压力就跟自己去找死一样,我忍不住歪剑去挡,被大声说no. 中间好不容易他放开opening让我打,又说我在reaching,不对。最后又对打了几个,看我坚持不住了,让我结束了。

我sonkyo又是摇摇欲坠(怎么回事!)还被他摇摇头。

最后磕头的时候他的评语是,那些kihon之类的比如ki ken tai yi chi啊fumikomi你肯定都知道哈,我不多说了。你有很好的kihon,但是要继续努力哦。意外的柔和的评价?

今天写笔记,我跟今西打的过程我更模糊了,看来我更怕他,怕到意识模糊了。

排队的时候我怕今西吓到咪咪,于是鼓励她去别的队伍了。远远看见她和女今西打了起来,女今西让她张开背。用到背部的力量,这又是一个需要好好学习的课题。如果打开了背,或许我的手肘和手指伤就会变好了。需要多多看理疗书呀。

之后大家开始自由稽古。友邻来教我打kihon的小面,kote-men,又是一个需要很多很多练习的部分。

不知道下一次shinsa前会不会push自己上一个台阶呢?一周二次确实时间不够,我还是很需要私下自己体会,自己悟。

经历过shinsa之后,我有好多想improve的,想设置一个系统的训练。同时也想有一些心态的成长,打算开始看the inner game of tennis,毕竟是类似的竞技运动。

除此之外,女今西让我想找一个女性的剑士做一个role model. 女性剑士真的很少,exposure也很少。希望我能找到一个我喜欢的身形类似的女剑士。

聚餐

结束之后和大家一起去吃饭,sensei说了好多哲学的东西:比如image training之类的;初学者就是要控制好自己;还有要just do it,not think right or wrong.

当然最后还有kendo is about everyday and culture. 在日本大家都是天天练,西方这个文化很难——但对于最后这条,我抱持不同意见:剑道只是每个人人生的一个切片罢了,就像sei and her soul separate这个禅宗故事一样,是否要保留separate souls,或者是否要have only one soul,以及能不能做到only one soul,都是个人选择和个人能力。

不错,剑道是能看出一个人的性格,但一个人即使有很差的人品,也可以打出一本。这也是为什么不同道场、甚至每个道场里都有暗流涌动的dynamics. 虽然是同一个道场,同一个老师,但并不是每一个人都会拥抱这种sensei理想中的剑道/人生哲学。我也并不享受和每个人稽古的过程。

说到底我们都是凡人罢了,并没有成神成佛。大家都在修行,但每个人选择的路并不一致,每个人选择的方向也不一样。我们都各自有着不同的人生哲学,甚至人生哲学有着冲突和对抗,也不想妥协。

one soul是一个美好的理想,但不是每个人的理想。至于我想不想要one soul,我也还没有决定。

Kendo Practice Notes Season 003 | 剑道笔记 第三季

3月到6月底的笔记。5月中间很长一段时间受伤了,所以没有很频繁的练习。但各种焦虑搜索之后发现很多人都和我受过同样的伤,之后也许会出一篇自愈记。但我现在还没自愈,只是好一点点了罢了,偶尔影响生活,但是接受这样的现状也就没那么焦虑了。

I can live with that and I would like to continue practicing Kendo. 所以6月中慢慢回归。

这个quarter结束啦

受伤几周以后慢慢回归训练。教导主任一开始给我一把粗剑,但剑实在太沉,比我现在的重100克!练了几次我手都抬不起来,于是放弃,拿回自己的剑。

最后是我迫使自己持中段时有意识地放松双手,因此学到了更多。

周一和司徒老师jigeiko,他给我展示了他如何把我的中线玩弄于股掌之中,就很轻松我永远都比他慢,有时候想抢一抢剑就给打走了,莫名其妙men就被打中了。当然他也是个好老师,会经常漏一点大破绽给我。下课还分享了一些基本技巧。

周一时教导主任还来找我们聊天,从妈妈那里听说我以前也搞建筑,他来分享他之前当建筑师的悲惨遭遇。白打一年工,找不到decent job,住在屋子里全是蟑螂的地方。后来读研了转去搞结构才好了点,9块一小时。哎我觉得比我惨多了,而且20年前这个破行业在美国就是这个样子。我说感觉不会有工会,so sick,他也说不可能。感觉最近跟他距离更近了????(当然也有他妈妈也很好聊!)

友邻还给了两个武道具店的教学视频,看完很有收获!

周一还有个大收获,咪咪说文字老师跟她说,出剑时注意力集中在左手两个手指上,加上身体势能就会很有力。确实改善很大。

于是今天练习我也试着这么做,发现持中段、上身放松,尤其是我的手放松,然后注意力集中在左手两个手指打出去,感觉非常清脆,剑击面之后弹回来也很快,可以马上进入体碰的防御姿势,非常轻松。多么简单的道理我的身体现在才学会,希望可以保持……

练习big kote的时候一直打不到前辈的kote,他好像是说我出剑比出脚快了,加上距离太近,身体没进去但剑已经下来了,所以没有打到。接下来focus在举剑后再出击就好很多(和友邻分享的视频一样)。

和老刘jigeiko终于没那么怕了,因为时不时我可以接到他给的口子打到他了。但是我还是经常呆站在那里,他就会砰砰砰狂打我kote和men把我打懵逼到防御起来再退走,可能是我没残心。被他遛完我累的要死,但想到bbq时他们说越累越要继续(头昏脑胀除外),这样身体才会学会,于是我就坚持了一下,结果真的后来就不累了,什么黑魔法。

新加坡大哥最近也很善良的给我上很多课。打完以后追着我打men,教我转身迅速保持中段残心。今天是一击不中双方靠近时趁我松懈来个退击面,打到我在近距离都保持残心。

接着和小金来了两轮,他很喜欢等靠近再退击kote. 直接一剑打爆我受伤的右手肘我靠…当时心里有点崩溃。然后发现自己身体摇摇欲坠,重心focus在左脚以后好很多。跟他玩了很多抢中线的游戏…手真的要放松像捏鸡蛋一样才灵活。

最后是和扫地僧两轮,他先教了我sonkyo时剑要对着对方的throat. 另外抢中线时不要push他的剑,维持center就行了,毕竟目的是维持中线,不是为了推开别人。

然后和他在一起对峙有那么几个men strike我就像机器一样不知道发生了什么,就觉得被他push了剑我就抬手来了一下就打得非常非常正,把自己惊呆了,而且身体可以马上反应过来要锷合(当然不会打退击面啦哈哈),他也夸了我我很开心????。

但是footwork就时好时坏。这个quarter上甲后我一直在企图改自己打完以后停在原地的问题,但一直没什么成效,身体可谓一个呆若木鸡。

而且跟扫地僧这种体型的人打,停在原地很危险,可能会被他撞飞。所以他也让了我蛮多次的,不然我人早没了。下课以后他说可以意识放在左脚,这样打完以后左脚知道要跟上。我打算下次练习时试试。他补充一句下次我再这样会对我更mean…????不要啊我不想被撞飞。

下课以后咪咪还被教导主任夸了说她打出力气了,还不忘来跟我说我没跟你对上所以没夸你哦。

大家还在走廊里给小猫唱生日歌还挺暖的。

最后和友邻聊了很久今天的趣事,种草了skk道场的kata练习我们就开心回家了。今天一整天心情都很差,随手翻了一页,书里说your instinct depends on what you tune in. Choose wisely about what you read, digest and experience之类的。豁然开朗。出发前还在跟咪咪闹别扭,运动完我就不生气了,也开心了。还是要多多运动呀。

回家发现自己的tenugui都是干的,我靠我真的是三层狗毛不是盖的,防水防汗养护具(唯一不好的就是出汗不洗的话头发会闷痘)。

这个quarter应该就是收官了吧,虽然受伤了,但有进步。继续努力哇。

受伤了

接着就发现自己出现了狭窄性腱鞘炎,trigger finger. 之后开始了漫漫自救路。因为我不去之后,咪咪也因为工作忙停止了一段时间。期间道场前辈们还来关心我们到底怎么了,教导主任还借给我一把剑,哎大家都太好了。

6月中旬时可以弯曲一些些手指之后又开始练习了。期间还参加了道场的bbq活动,大家为我们庆祝彩虹婚,意外得到了一众亚洲前辈的祝福,感恩。

期间日本来的钓鱼哥老师也走了。很可惜没有上到他很多课,唯一有印象的一次他讲得很细,练习也都很有趣,和我们道场那种上来什么都不说练一百下的风格不一样,对我们初学者来说很友好。

不过没写太多心得,因为问题太多不知道从哪里写起。目前最大的问题就是很难往前吧,jigeiko时总是犹豫和害怕,有一次还怕到在出击时重心后退,把脚后跟踩伤了。

当然了,生活也碰到很多瓶颈,不知道什么时候能跨越这些瓶颈。永远在修行吧。

一二事

早上一般会看一些之前没时间看的文章。

今天看完了kendoinfo的一篇讲中段的文章,鬼使神差翻到最后一条评论,发现原来慈鲑2018年也去世了…

几周前买的他的书竟然也是绝版了…

第一次跟所有人mix了

今天是我们三个新戴面的人第一次跟所有人mix练习,感觉从此我们就被扔到sensei手下,没有大师兄保护了……

最近的问题:
1. 开课前对着镜子练习的时候每次举剑都会无意识地右手微微用力导致偏离中线,打出去的时候也顺便就歪了;
2. 切返的sayumen整个节奏都不对。最近有意识地矫正自己后退的脚步是靠右脚推出去,不是靠左脚,有好一点。但整体这些sayumen都打得不好。

今天:
1. 上周五的基本练习以后,我觉得要在练习时先有意识的拿到中线再打出去,今天感觉做得还不错。
2. 不戴眼镜感觉距离还是很瞎的。中间geiko碰到了stevenston常驻嘉宾,他让我注意距离,到了近距离就要准备打了。然后我中间注意了一下基本一近这个距离就被他打了……
3. 碰到了冠军爹和教导主任,尝试打了几个men都有种打不出去的感觉。冠军爹说我block太多了……然后发现虽然自己没做出block的姿态,但心理上却是就是在block.
然后打了几把他提议我们一起只打men. 然后我眼睁睁看着他在往我旁边打men根本没打我,但我的手举起来就往他手上撞……绝了。没打中几下,甚至我感觉我就是在react他打剑而举手罢了,都没往前冲。他留下一句focus on hitting my men!然后教导主任这边也是,我眼睁睁看着我手往人家手上撞,他都没打我men,只是在往前打而已。果然身体就是跟着浮动的心跑拉也拉不去妈的……
4. 碰到了机器人大师兄。我已经累得要死,然后他要求全部big kote,big men. 跑都跑不动,被他用剑赶鸭子好几次。打kote举不起来剑也被讲了好多次。满脸困惑加身体透支退下了……
5. 休息了一会儿大家分成两拨,一波高段位给大家上课,另一波我们没上段的人互相练习。总体感觉是和没上段的人打不容易被打到,但是我还是以react别人居多,能感觉到mentally我在挡别人。或者有时候没抢到中线也就打了……
唯有中间和totoro打了一把好像我有抢到,我们俩都同时打到对方了,这可能是整场我唯一一次觉得自己打了出去。
然后最后一把和小猫哥打,被秒杀好多次……醉了。
6. 下课问了印度哥和友邻的wife. 他们都说我们打得还不错。大家好nice.

7. 下课大师兄送关爱。问了他周末打比赛的事情,他说他看了咪发的录像打中了三个men,结果裁判都没判,最后一个他觉得没打中,几个裁判就跟风举旗了,然后他老了懒得在场上跳跳跳演戏就算了。

然后问了他交剑的时候应该怎么react. 他说不应该走side ways,就是往前,稳住中线。我push他就drop剑然后马上回到中线,他推我推开了就能打了。这里我奇怪的是大家打出去的时候都说要直接举剑比较efficient,他这种drop再打不是更慢吗?反正我再感受感受。
然后他讲现在就是要develop your men. 就是很熟悉自己的timing吧。可能这就是不教我们waza的原因……因为我们都没develop出自己的best hit也就没法找准时机打出best hit了。

哎好难啊,每次去上课都还是蛮有压力的(穿衣服啊戴bogu啊啥的也是)。我跟咪咪都在互相问干嘛这么折磨自己……而大家又是出于什么心态把自己折磨到这么高的级别的啊……?感觉期待跟大家喝酒了。

近况

最近晚上睡觉左手三根指头总是会麻木掉,怀疑是手肘受伤问题,约了理疗下周检查下,希望能排除肩膀和腰的问题…

等我搞完这学期的课就把big men fumikomi给集训一下……不知道为啥总是跳不出去,感觉我的身体和剑的重心没有sync起来。有尝试立定跳远,但感觉还是很怪异。而且连打大men,大kote和do都很差劲……瓶颈了。

好消息是死命绑紧men就一点也不痛了。

剑道-戴面了

可以戴面练习了,而且没有一上来就被疯狂砸头,大师兄带着我们一起进行过渡期练习。道场的氛围突然很温馨…

然后昨天小组练习正好在摄像机前面,于是去看了昨天自己的视频,omg……我真的像树獭一样慢,跳跃素振我以为已经掌握了弹跳的势能可以变快了结果还是很慢,中间基本练习都还好,感觉自己脚步走得不错。

但是戴面以后的练习我是大家的0.5倍速慢放软绵绵版本…正值盛年的我打得比五十多的前辈们慢N倍…打切返手都抬不起来。救命啊…whats wrong with me

Kendo Practice Notes Season 002 | 剑道笔记 第二季

2023年1月到3月期间的笔记,这期没有每次都记了,有些困惑后来已经解决了,有些记录可能现在想法不一样了,姑且存个档吧。

春季学期我在学校选了加在一起很花时间的两门课,抽出时间去练剑道还很难。但是因为喜欢,最终还结识了另一个道场的老师们,每周多加了一节课。这期的最后,即将戴面,我们被大师兄各种开小班虐,训练量一下子上去了,后来我还受伤了,这就是后话了……

今天的剑道练习够量了

sensei说和对手对峙的时候左手要始终保持center,不要晃太多。用行动告诉对手,我就在这里,不动。

救命啊这是风没动旗没动但是你的心在动的禅心小故事吗?……

我好想抓住自己每个气剑体一致的瞬间啊……打do是最难抓住的呜呜。

今天朋友也来体验了,希望没被劝退!

我终于有点子练到累了。学到了tare要系在koshita上,后高前低。戴kote感觉怪怪的。后来totoro跑来跟我说疫情前道场会让新人先戴一二周kote再上men. 难道我们快要上men了?which means我快要摘掉眼镜盲打了…?希望能在秘密道场先被打打给我开开脑…好怕痛

秘密道场之一句话心得

昨天体会到对间合的掌握是气剑体一致的关键——而间合是自己的时空,时时会因距离、身体、精神和对手而变化,老师也只能帮助配合练习,固定对手这个变量,而最终要靠自己去捕捉当下的(间合)时空…

今天sensei话很多

今天来了一个日本小哥,和钓鱼哥是一个风格的。好像还有一个日本来拜访的高手,但我没看出来是哪位。昨天晚上九点多收到了邮件说这位高手要来,结果今天其他高手也都纷纷出现了,比如西雅图道场的两位sensei和我们道场的买它头头。sensei今天破天荒讲了好多话。

第一段:四段往上的人,我告诉你们练习的时候别只顾着自己,你要想着对手,不控制对手根本没法提升到更高段。
于是他就从sonkyo演示起,要求高段位的人从sonkyo就开始控制对手。
太刀时,剑柄端头:身体中线。
第三步同时拔剑,拔出来的剑柄端头指向哪里?对手喉咙中线。此时正确的右手姿势抽剑出来时刀锋就是正确的,都不用看。同时批评很多人第三步在那里前后晃,或者到线前才蹲下。
半蹲时:等对手先蹲。不能蹲到底,所有动作都做对,压制对方。
开始比赛互相对峙,保持远距离稳稳不动,让自己准备好,同时让对手去困惑,去接受压力,去害怕,去思考。此时自己最好black out,啥都不想。
seme时:永远要试图take center,靠交剑去感知对手,让他继续困惑、害怕、一秒之内出现几千种情绪,控制他,直到他很紧张接受不了压力,要出动了,紧张会从你试探的剑上传递出来,出击。
然后让大家相距九步之后从头开始。

第二段:高段位的人不允许先动,永远控制对手,控制节奏。

第三段:练习时先跨步再举剑,低段位很难但尽量。不管是切返还是waza。然后这个他演示的动作甚至都没踏步,就是滑出去的…

第四段:要求高段位给低段位练习Uchikomi-geiko的时候别放水,转身以后从远距离开始……

最后:教人是很难的,你自己做得好吗,每个人都想想自己的动作。

今天beginner也跟着打了整场,加上我整天都很累晚上还吃得多,所以状态不好。感觉打men还行,kote都打不准了,do更是不行,距离掌握得差劲……在家练得多面对友好真人还是会垮。way to go. men go through还被说跑太慢了,我每次跑步都跟慢动作一样,痛苦。谷村让我kiai大点声,妈呀确实整场我都没感受到core,喊喊还挺累…

还有个感想是当motodachi其实也不简单,今天pair的一些刚上bogu的对手在切返和其他练习时给的距离就不是很好,我的手甚至都伸不直,下次我也可以试试步子跨得大一点自己match一些distance. 当然还是有人连退都不退,一点尊重都不给。比如西雅图来的那个凶巴巴四段和我们道场的一个白男…相比之下之前让我有点看法的道场联络人和老李一家都挺好的,有好好练习也有反馈。

kamae和道场头牌和买它头头对,道场头牌摸脸挤眉弄眼,果然还是小朋友…买它头头气势吓人…最后好想要头牌的柴柴头巾啊,网上看到的都是短10cm的,他是不是头小可以用短的

切腹要点

今天beginner的课很无聊,而且又搞了全场suri-ashi真是累死也不好玩。最后kirikaeshi都是每个人半轮,不是很得劲。

我得到的feedback是我的men还不错,sayumen off center. 确实每次打sayumen我就从机械模式醒来了……不知道咋打。

课后五段跟我们对上眼神,默默蹭过来问我们有啥问题,我就问了sayumen. 他说只要微微偏移就行了,不需要45度。并且用手比划了一下三条打men的竖线。原来是这样,那下次就不用打那么明显了…

然后他就问我们有没有空周末volunteer,我赶紧说周末要考试…他默默:那考试还是更重要呀…然后又默默飘走了。

第二场看了一下大家打kata,看着还不错,但sensei说所有人都会挂,并一一指出细节问题。我们道场也太喜欢临时抱佛脚了,要我说sensei应该录一套kata youtube video带讲解那种上传,大家回去看十遍再来练,效率很高还能给道场赚点youtube外快…

看了一会儿感觉身体发冷,就找咪咪练习一下我最烂的do. 练了几下我发现我的tip都是往下的。这时候五段又从一群bogu背后突然出现了,他比划说高个子打别人需要蹲下来,然后比划了一下打do的剑还是tip高,和men一样。也对,因为人的肋骨本来就是要这个角度切。这么说来kote是唯一一个平着打的。而且我太高手太长,他说我的手放得要比中段还低我靠……

接着totoro因为个子高被他抓过来给我打,打了几个以后好像有点手感了。他说别人block men也可以抽do.

此时道场多年后才归来的扫地僧大哥出现说陪我练. 他提到一开始剑抬上去手还是和打所有其他部位一样,靠左手上去。但抽do的时候左手是在剑下去的时候快速靠上去保持中线,然后tip朝上抽过去。而且go through的时候一开始踏步过去还是直直地冲向对方,甚至可以撞上去,然后再沿着对手整个腹部切过去。所有的过程里左手都不应该off center. 练了几把感觉错误的动作时不时会闪现让我左手off center,但终于明白do的各种原理了。我好开心啊。

扫地僧还说我抽do的踏步鬼鬼祟祟的。最近的踏步面对人都有点打不出来。打算有空练熟了以后,有了每个动作的自信再专注练气剑体一致。

下半场抽了好几下do以后我才出了点汗…今天真是个do rewarding session!感谢道场这些平时不声不响的前辈给我们开小灶。

练剑道其实更多也是一个学习的过程,我感觉我土星确实要进三宫了……最近每时每刻都有东西要学,微微吐血…希望能撑过正财这俩月,土星安稳进入三宫。

今天kamae和咪咪对上,本来我还挺严肃的,结果对着对着看她穿一身bogu也太好看了吧……我的core本来收紧着一口气,然后那口气就泄了……我还默默在口罩后面笑了……要命。

要长寿,打剑道

突然发现今明下雪,希望周三能上得成课……

今天跟着友邻去了大家都去的神秘道场,氛围和我们道场完全不一样。这个道场还有一群练空手道的小孩,中间会跑来门口看我们在干啥。beginner不多,一大半都是我们道场来偷师的……正好我们道场来的人多也给这里增加一些人气。想想人好少还要租community center把这个道场办下来真的不容易。

练习不怎么累,但是sensei们会仔细讲解很多技巧,感觉适合回去练一阵子,然后有问题时来针对性练习。

练了fumikomi men的一系列进阶,从大打到小,从松全身打到靠手腕。虽然有点困惑,感觉错过了一些讲解,不知道目的是啥。

感觉我基本功还是有问题,打do都打到了tare上…我的do也感觉系低了?每次被打都会碰到我胯骨有点疼,下次上课前也要看下到底系哪个位置。

sensei还让我们打kote的时候右脚可以抢入中线,这点以前都没注意过。

另外要求先seme再kiai,有点困惑,这时候距离不是很近了吗再kiai岂不是很危险?下次问问。

我们还尝试了men kote do一口气打完。因为对战的时候换气时会被抓住弱点攻击。我根本不行,一般打do之前气就散了。以后mukuso的时候可以多练呼吸:猛吸一口气然后慢慢吐…今天还听友邻说了残心不是指冲很远,而是马上转身往后退……感觉这样是可以做到一口气的,想下次看看多学习。

今天出门前呜哩呜哩出门晚了,还好咪咪抓我过去了,我们迟到了也坚持练下来了……还是有挺多收获的。

收获最大的是这两位sensei,一位76,一位78了……

76的那位是菲律宾华侨,来美四五十年。他每次都自己从很远的地方开车三四十分钟来给我们上课,晚上还要自己开回去。他是退休的engineer,说要用science和engineer的方法教剑道,还问我们有没有什么反馈给他,真是一点没有sensei架子。

78那位46开始练的竟然6段了,他们在热身完以后,正式练习前,跟我们说别放弃,他们的剑道都进化好几轮了,it will come to you. 他们认识的一位sensei一直练习到92岁!

咪咪在车上跟我说要好好练剑道,一起身体健康地活到四五十年以后。好的努力吧,过好的生活,打好的剑道。

剑道022

21的跳过吧因为没啥进步。然后就是covid了…

covid漫长的二周过去,终于恢复得差不多了,可以尝试运动啦。休养期间在家研究了很多视频,并和咪咪讨论了一些,今天来验证一下。

在家生病休息的时候,我发现右边身体很支配我。我放松的时候甚至也倚着右边,导致我左边身体整个很弱,之前左边lower back还受伤了导致我左腿麻痹。这也是我为什么左脚总是抬很高:因为我不仅依赖右手,也很依赖右半边身体。我不仅需要多练左边的手,也要练左边的核心和腿。

上次我问了机器人前辈怎么意识到自己的左手?我老被人说太靠右边。他说你每次出剑记得捏紧左手就好,右手别管了反正你下意识肯定会捏紧。

于是今天试了一下,果然好多了,但是举剑时还是会往右歪,好痛苦,继续好好锻炼左边整个身体吧。

men需要打高点,sayumen上次也被纠正了45度和位置,suburi的时候我很难把剑稳在落点。但今天试了下之前一个technical视频中提到的,要感受靠剑的重力挥下去,比死命用力挥似乎快多了,无为而治的东方哲学牛逼啊。

今天自己在场下练fumikomi感觉好多了,可以学会依靠左边身体,偶尔能sync。和咪咪一起在家研究fumikomi和手sync后,她踏出来的声音也响多了。但一对着bogu真人,第一记我还清醒,还能踏出响,后面就忘光了哑巴了……还是得对甲多练。beginner课结束以后,爷爷前辈还带我们练了很久,讲解了考级的细节,包括入场,退场,十分感谢他。

结束后象友还和我们聊了些道场八卦哈哈。没想到我们beginner课上教的离开赛场的礼仪都教错步子了。总之下周考试推迟了可以多练习了!还收到了象友送的礼物!是全剑道联盟的纪念品,还有tenugui,可爱爆了。一定要和咪咪好好练习,早日用上!~